Kassandra Clementi
Kassandra here is on the Aussie soap Home and Away, which is a similar duality to the dress itself: The back would be away, and the front, for obvious reasons, is home. As in the plate. You feel me.
Ada Nicodemou
What IS it with Home and Away actresses and white gowns that want you to at least WONDER how to get to Crotchame Street? NOW IS NOT THE TIME. IN PUBLIC, IN FACT, IS RARELY THE TIME.
Natalie Harper
Despite my excitement, Natalie Harper is NOT the real-life incarnation of the All my Children character who got thrown down a well by her twin sister and also spent some time being blind. Instead, she works on a kids' TV program. And one of MY kids walked up and looked at this and said, "Mommy, I need a lemon popsicle," which fits, because that dress is a lemon crotchsicle. I'm sure somehow this all ties up into a nice bow.
Rebecca Judd
We've featured Aussie WAG Rebecca before, but I love that her Wikipedia page's summary is basically, "She's married to a footballer and once hosted a weekend weather segment in Perth." Oh, right, and also: WHAT IS THIS. The zipper is especially confounding -- like her vagina is throwing itself a coming out party and the countdown is about to start.
Georgie Gardner
Georgie here is a newscaster and, per Wikipedia, a practicing Anglican. I'm not sure why that was the one notable thing they included. Then again, she's dressed as a bride, so maybe it's important because she is open to marrying other Churches, if they offer better snacks and eternal-life guarantees.
Prinnie Stevens
Prinnie was on The Voice. And that dress looks like 30 pounds of satin at Donald Trump's eighth wedding.
Lauren Phillips
This does seem to be the Welsh Lauren Phillips, whose Wikipedia page states that she's on "the Welsh soap Pobol y Cwm." I freaking love a language that turns to vowels and says, "Buzz off, skags, we've got this." I don't really have thoughts about her dress, really, except that the half-peplum looks like a hip hanky.
Jason Coleman
A man in a gold jacket pointing at the camera? SOLD.
Claudia Karvan
Claudia is a writer/producer/actor, who not only missed the memo about gilding her skin silly, but is wearing a dress that might be kind of loony but in this crowd feels like a bastion of beautiful Blanchettian sanity.
Georgie Parker
I MEAN. This is making zebras everywhere twitch with self-loathing.
Jennifer Hawkins
Glad to see that the head-reattachment surgery went well; when does the bandage come off?
Stephanie Rice
Star Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice, or future adopted Kardashian and head designer of their Kardynasty maternity line? You decide.
Kate Ritchie
I just realized that is one SERIOUSLY strategic shadow. I hope she stood EXACTLY there all night.
Asher Keddie
Which came first, the dickey or the dress?
Laura Dundovic
Of all the red dresses, this one is actually the best one. So it's probably pretty mean of me to lead off with it. Sorry about that.
Samara Weaving
At least this Home and Away actress decided to buck the crotch trend. But not the sheer trend. Is this over yet? Please? God, it's like The Hobbit of trends (movie, not book, Tolkein purists).
Carrie Bickmore
Somebody's knee pits just couldn't STAND being left out of the action. That, or they're huge Brynne Edelsten fans and cut themselves a window into true crazy.