Zooey Deschanel
If I were Zooey's quirky friend, I would seize her by the shoulders and sing -- to the tune of Florence and the Machine -- "Hike it up, hike it uuuuup, hike it up hike it uuuuup, uuu-UUUUUp." Actually, though, doing that would probably create other fit issues because this thing looks incredibly poorly designed, so I might just go even CLOSER to Florence's actual lyrics with a "take it off" plea.
Kristen Stewart
This ensemble clunks like the tin cans tied to the back of a Just Married car. I actually think Kristen's hair and makeup look pretty good here. And I like a blazer. I enjoy shirts. I support skirts. But that doesn't mean you can throw all those things together and it will make awesome, just like hurling random ingredients into a cake pan won't bake up into frosted divinity.
Gwyneth Paltrow
As might be expected, Gwyneth comes out of this looking the least insane, because she sensibly opted for what Stella does best -- blazers -- and just sort of let her hair and face do the work.
Ginnifer Goodwin
I don't know if it's my favorite thing that you can see the neckline of the lining under this, but it's a small quibble. Otherwise... am I nutso, guys, or is this kind of good? I think it might be good! She's even half-smiling. APPLAUSE.
Gwen Stefani
AND THEN. COME ON. First, if you're going to wear that, or anything that alleges to be formal, at least do your hair. Having said that, the treadmill topknot gives the rest of the ensemble about the level of respect it deserves. This looks like it was stamped onto her body at the fug factory, possibly after Laverne and/or Shirley did something wacky that f'ed up the conveyor belt.
Miranda Kerr
It's ba-aaaack! This dress is more worn out than Kristen Wiig's "Gilly" sketches. The black version is probably at least better than the ones with the gingham-like pattern...
Rumer Willis
This thing has got to be stopped. By which I mean the dress, not Rumer. This ENTIRE TOWN has gotten conned into wearing it. However, the poor girl has the distinction of being the first person to style it so that she looks like a crabby grandmother shuffling to the front door with her candle to see if she can get those varmints off her lawn.
Jordana Brewster
Does this even FIT? I am sighing so hard it sounds like I'm yodeling.
Stella McCartney
And then the lady herself keeps it simple. Except: HEM YOUR PANTS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. YOU ARE A DESIGNER. THIS MAKES IT TWICE AS LAZY AS WHEN ANYONE ELSE DOES IT WHERE ARE YOUR FEET OMG CAPSY BRAIN FOG.