Jared Leto
Can we just talk about what Jared Leto is wearing on his legs? Somewhere, Angela Chase is wrinkling her nose.
Chloe Sevigny
Yes, that is Chloe Sevigny, and yes, she is dressed as a slightly chilled, deeply depressed milkmaid.
Chloe Sevigny
This is like the flip side of the milkmaid outfit. Yes, this is a pool party, but MANY attendees did not wear just their bikini bottoms. I actually am not totally sure those ARE bikini bottoms. They might be cut-offs? They are official ambassadors to Leg City, whatever they are. (Also, yes, her boobs are fringed.)
Chloe Sevigny
Never change, Chloe.
Solange
Speaking of never changing, please: WHAT. YES. This is fantastic.
Solange
Ditto. She looks so great; cool, and chic and classic, and bright.
Diane Kruger and Pacey
Pacey, I love you and it is WITH LOVE that I say you look like you just rolled out of a dumpster.
Diane Kruger and Pacey
I have some questions about Diane's boots. Although those of us who were wondering if her Oscar dress was concealing a Wee Gestating Krugson (Jackruger?) clearly had no idea what we were talking about.
Diane Kruger and Pacey
They seem to be getting along though. I like to think that she's gently caressing his face and asking him if he packed any other shorts.
Julianne Hough
Speaking of shorts...
Julianne Hough
Although I have a personal issue with the pockets of your shorts peeking out from underneath the hem of such, I also understand that said issue just screams YOU ARE OLD, OLD LADY. So I will note that, overall, she looks cute and polished here. Go out and meet a cute young dude to have an inappropriate summer fling with, Julianne Hough! Embrace your Seacrestlessness!
Vanessa Hudgens and Austin Butler
THESE TWO. They are a Fug Treasure and I cherish them. She is wearing her jammies, and he is ALSO wearing her jammies.
Vanessa Hudgens
Let me share with you how our photo service described this look: "Vanessa could be seen wearing diaper-like shorts and a loose fitting top. She also had henna tattoos on her hands and feet as well as a rather elaborate silver jeweled manicure." That is so restrained and objective BUT ALSO used the words "diaper-like."
Vanessa Hudgens
Then this happened. Yes, she is wearing a bunch of jewels on her brow bone and a chandelier top and carrying a giant fake sunflower. Vanessa Hudgens, you complete me with your whimsical nutbaggery.
Hudgens and Butler
Yes.
Rumer Willis
Honestly, this is nearly OVERDRESSED for Coachella, and we're talking about an outfit that involves a swimsuit. (It was overcast for part of the weekend in question, which may have put a crimp in some of the nakeder ensembles people had planned.)
Kat McPhee
This is one of those skirts that could be awesome but just end up looking like her hem got caught in the waistband of her panties.
Kat McPhee
I feel like the cancellation of Smash is NOT agreeing with her.
Sophia Bush
No, Sophia Bush's boyfriend. I will NOT stop the pity. I look at her in this and I just feel SO BAD.
Sophia Bush
This could be much worse but also much better. Kind of like Sophia Bush's career OH YES I SAID THAT SHE WAS WEIRD TO ME IN AN INTERVIEW ONCE AND I'VE BEEN WAITING TO BE VAGUELY BUT NOT REALLY ALL THAT MEAN TO HER FOR YEARS. Years, I say! Half-hearted, lackadaisical mischief MANAGED!
Rita Ora
Will someone PLEASE tell me who has been silk-screened onto Rita's skirt? PLEASE let it be Andrew Ridgeley and George Michael. But that looks like a lady. What is happening?
Rita Ora
There were a lot of message shirts this past weekend. My favorite appeared on a Jonas Brother. Don't worry, it's coming.
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson
RPattz looks like someone's harried Dad at this event. Not in a bad way.
Katy Perry
This is appears to be what Katy Perry wears when she's going to flash someone.
Katy Perry
Is that...a lion....on her torso? That sounds like Mad Libs, but it's really just Coachella.
Katy Perry
Katy Perry is all about wearing FACES right now.
Christa B Allen
Sigh. FINE. Christa B Allen actually looks totally adorable and polished and cute.
Teresa Palmer
I feel like this is the official Uniform of Coachella: Shorts, lace top, visible bikini. She actually looks kind of bland in this.
Ireland Baldwin
Our photo service informs me that Ireland Baldwin is dating a person by the name "Slater Trout." I am informing you that her ankle warmers are bizarre and I think her boobs are bedazzled.
Ireland Baldwin
I assumed this is the aforementioned Mr Trout. Also, in news you need to know, again per our photo service: "Ireland can be seen with what looks like 'fake' tattoos on her arm saying 'Your Mom' and on the side of her left breast of a smoking skull wearing a top hat."
I do not know that there's anything I can humanly add to that.
Emma Roberts
Leather cut-offs are a thing now. I guess. Now we know. Nothing goes better with heart-shaped sunglasses.
Kate Bosworth
This is pretty cute on the Bos, I have to say.
Kate Bosworth
But this is INSANE and horrible and it looks SO SO STYLED. I know a lot of these women are styled for Coachella -- I must have read ten articles last week interviewing stylists who were dressing celebs for Coachella -- but the whole point of Coachella style is to look completely EFFORTLESSLY cool, and this whole thing screams, "SOMEONE PUT THIS TOGETHER FOR ME FOR MONEY."
Darren Criss
For the Darren Criss fans out there.
Agyness Deyn
I feel like Agyness Deyn wins the "most refreshingly normal looking" prize.
Taraji P Henson
And Taraji just looks cool.
Ashley Benson
Please, someone tell me that Ashley here lost a bet.
Ashley Benson and Troian Bellisario
Troian's shorts are not even shorts. They are like a denim flapjack.
Stana Katic
Stana Katic continues to look like the version of Mischa Barton we all wish we'd ended up with; this is totally event-appropriate and cute.
China Chow
I would look horrible and ridiculous in this, but she is pulling it off. This is a side effect of often wearing totally wacktacular rainbow hair dresses -- you can slouch out in a slightly weird shirt and no one says a word.
AnnaSophia Robb
She is adorable.
The Jonai
Can we just talk about the fact that one of the Jonai is wearing a shirt that says "I AM A MAN"? CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THAT? If you have to spell it out, Jonas....
Is there any possible way this is a shout out to Wham Rap?
The Jonai
This was not Nick's nor Joe's most fabulous weekend.
Jessica Lowndes
Jessica Lowndes is apparently leaving 90210 and joining Real Housewives, judging from this look.
Santigold
You guys! Santigold is alive!
Alexa Chung
Very cute, Alexa. We'll give you this round.