Salma Hayek
WHY ARE YOU IN THIS MOVIE AS THE BABE WIFE WITH NO INNER LIFE? You don't need the money! That's a B-list role! YOU HAVE A-LIST NAME RECOGNITION SALMA. In other news, this dress could be worse.
Melissa Gorga
This dress probably could not be. Oh Melissa. You too are better than this. I think. You've been a little wacked out this season of Real Housewives of New Jersey but I have faith that you will pull it together.
Carol Alt
Noted Crackpot Carol Alt! Looking good. I mean, NAB (Needs A Bracelet), but basically totally acceptable, no?
Taylor Lautner
I feel like Taylor, for whom I also have a huge soft spot -- what? I think he's funny! --- is sort of like, "hey, I'm here, can't stop, gotta go, gonna just walk right out the backdoor of this thing now."
Kevin James
I fear that Sandler's schlubbiness is catching. Don't let it catch you, Kevin James!
Kaleo Elam, Makhari Elam
OH MY GOD. I can't look at this picture without making the high-pitched noise that women often make -- against our will, sometimes! -- at baby showers when the mother-to-be holds up a tiny pair of socks. THESE KIDS ARE SO CUTE.
Olivia Culpo; Erin Brady
Miss Universe, are you kidding me? If you don't change, someone is going to run up to you and rip that sash right off you. You bring shame to the crown!
Ashanti
In the immortal words of Fug Nation, at least it's not a vagina sling. In fact, Ashanti earned herself MILES of crazy outfits before we don't point out that at least it's not a vagina sling. She's gone to the outer reaches of the universe and returned, we are just grateful.
Chris Rock
Yes, Chris, it WAS a movie for theatrical release, you weren't just flarging around at Sandler's summer place for a couple of months with some other dudes. I know. I'm sorry. I told you you were too good for this!
Erin Heatherton
If I never see this dress, or iterations thereof, again, it will be too soon. We get it.