Jordan Alexander in Wiederhoeft
Reader, I chortled. This has real Thom Browne Bridal vibes to it, and looks like an outfit you'd see in a particularly irritating NYT vows column, where the couple talks about how they stay up until late at night challenging each other's perceptions of silence, consistently recite pages of obscure poetry to one another from memory, and required guests at their wedding to participate in an interpretive dance before revealing they don't believe in marriage and are only doing it so they don't have to testify against each other someday.
You have to hand it to her -- she's wearing a church pew decoration on her face, sure, but she looks INCREDIBLY happy.
Emily Alyn Lind in Gucci
She is sincerely like Leighton Meester and Blake Lively rolled into one person.
Whitney Peak in Chanel
I'm wondering if GG is expecting Whitney to be the big breakout -- she snagged Chanel for this premiere and that is a big get. That bodice is really beautiful, too. She got one of the increasingly rare GOOD Chanels.
Tavi Gevinson in Stella McCartney
This feels like Stella attempting to channel all the spandex floral dresses they sold at Express in the early 90s.
Zion Moreno in Armani
That bodice has the vibe of what people do with their shower curtains when them out of the way to clean the tub.
Thomas Doherty (in Givenchy) and Eli Brown (in Thom Brown)
An optical footwear illusion keeps making me think Thomas (left) is wearing two left shoes. He has more of the Chuck Bass vibe to him. The other dude feels like Dan Humphrey crossed with George O'Malley.
Evan Mock in Gucci
Do his pants look slightly EXTRA low-rise to you? It reads lower to me than you usually see on menswear.
Jason Gotay
Somehow, this person is not related to Shane West.
Lyne Renee
This is expensive nonsense, so right on brand for Gossip Girl. If Bellamy Young ever needs an understudy, Lyne here would fit the bill.
Laura Benanti
Who dragged Laura Benanti into this?!? I mean, in fairness: Maybe it'll be good? I do LOVE Laura Benanti, and she makes things better, so there's that at least. But unfortunately she is not making those shoes better. Nothing can. I hope that's not an omen.
Donna Murphy in Bibhu Mohapatra
Donna has had an illustrious theater career, but to me she will always be Juliette Simone, aka Julie Simon who grew up Perth Amboy and whose father managed a Wal-Mart. If you know, you know. And her dress seems to be going through puberty.
Adam Chandler-Berat
This guy probably grew up with all of his parents' and grandparents' friends being like, 'THE Adam Chandler? BUT WHERE IS STUART?'
Jonathan Fernandez
There is a cool sense of style here, derailed by the fact that not a single item here fits properly.
Kathryn Gallagher in Meryll Rogge
This doesn't seem to fit either, though satin IS challenging. Mostly it just looks like a watercolor accident.
Jessica Wang
That color is not working for me. Also it ALSO looks like it's the complete wrong size.
Emma Kenney in Zimmermann
That is a PJ set, right? It is. It's a PJ set.
Dree Hemingway in The Row
This looks like she's wearing a collared shirt backward and it's coming loose from its stays.
Sarah Jeffery in Carolina Herrera
This feels right.
Savannah Smith
This is Savannah's first job, apparently, and I hope we soon find out that the purse she's carrying is actually the source of all her power. Like a genie in a handbag.