Diane Kruger
I mean, Cannes is tailor-made for ginormities like this. Eva Longoria shows up on Day One every year in what feels like exactly the same massive princess dress, as if you know she's been waiting all year to bust out that sucker. I love that Diane held hers for last. It's interesting, it's weird, and it's large enough for her to smuggle out one of those fancy antiquities with a name that sounds like dessert -- "chifferobe," et al.
Diane Kruger
How much do we think her scaffolding weighs?
Diane Kruger
She looks like she's hustling across the moors. Or running back to Tara to go write hateful things about Melanie Wilkes in her diary before fantasizing ways to lock herself in Ashley's bedroom.
Diane Kruger
I hope she actually WAS curtsying. It feels like the kind of dress where, as soon as you slip into it, you immediately start obeying archaic laws of etiquette, and/or you turn into Donna Martin from that episode where she was going to move to Houston for about half a second and become a debutante, and Mayor Lavon Hayes took her to a dance and she did a Texas Dip for him and he had to stare down the crevasse created by her (seemingly new) cleavage.
Diane Kruger
For the winners' dinner, she changed into this -- which I don't actually hate, at all (because I don't think it's actually see-through), but which I can only refer to as Disco Braille. If you move your fingers across the skirt, lyrics to a lost Bee Gees song are revealed.
D.Krug and Karl
KARL: Diane. I know this dress has already been discussed, but now WE must talk. It is urgent like a bladder.
DIANE: What is it, Karl?
KARL: It is about your gentleman companion. I request an audience.
DIANE: Karl, if you're going to ask about the necklace he gave me...
KARL: Jewelry is salad dressing for a weak man's emotional greens. TOSS.
DIANE: Um, okay, but then what...?
KARL: I desire him...
DIANE: Get in line.
KARL: Let me finish. Interruptions are brain murder. I desire him... to sign my Dawson's Creek box set and then explain to me Fringe.
DIANE: That can be arranged.
KARL: While shirtless and feeding me grapes. Nipples heal.
DIANE: I... will have to get back to you.