2001: Bjork

That really is Michael Jackson, isn't it? With a hella-constricting wrap? Oh, Bjork. He was not the basket in which to put your eggs.

2001: Marg Helgenberger

This has a bit of a classic D&G feel to it. But that is way, way too tight, and low, and just... it is the mistake so many people made in this era.

2001: Marg Helgenberger

And it's EVEN WORSE from the back.

2001: SMG and FPJ

His hair is like that for Scooby Doo, and let us all say a prayer and a blessing for the fact that he did not decide he liked it. SMG looks great.

2001: Sigourney Weaver

I originally mis-typed her name as Sigourney Waver and never was there a more apt typo.

2001: Beyonce

Some of that fabric is very pretty. It's so fascinating to see reminders of Beyonce in a very mortal, very cheesy phase.

2001: Kim Cattrall

A better tailor AND better makeup would soon become her reality.

2001: Calista Flockhart

Is Ally McBeal a faerie?

2001: Melina Kanakaredes

Aw, remember Providence? Or, Guiding Light, if that's your jam. Anyway, I thought Melina had kind of dropped off after that, but no, she was on CSI: New York for six years, and still The Resident. So what the heck do I even know. And her hair is so lovely. I love a curly icon.

2001: SJP

She looks like she wandered down from her room for the tiki happy hour.

2001: J.Lo and Matthew McConaughey

Jennifer's dress underneath is pretty boring, so I went with the coat. THE COAT. MORE COATS.

2001: Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones

I love that color on her, but it all looks vaguely like someone put the boob beads on it to cover a mistake.

2001: Laura Linney

Bridesmaidy, and boring, and also: surprise brunette!

2001: Erika Christensen and Topher Grace

Is her outfit secretly separates? She looks very nice. This has the vibe of a teen couple going to the spring dance; she's delighted and he's really furious with his mother for making them do this.

2001: Joan Allen

I think this might have needed an undergarment? The color is perfect though.

2001: Christine Lahti

THERE we go. That's good stuff. (This is not the same year, but it's never the wrong time to link to her winning the Globe in 1998 and being in the bathroom when it happened.)

2001: Chad Lowe and Hilary Swank

Her dress is fine, but his hair really sincerely needs a lot of work.

2001: Allison Janney

Props to her for drama, but this color is not my favorite.

2001: Lucy Liu, Anne Heche, Jane Krakowski

I completely forgot Anne Heche was ever on Ally McBeal. None of these outfits is great; zoom in for the secret superfluous belt on Anne.

2001: Sandra Bullock

She looks like she would rather be eating nails. (She was nominated for Miss Congeniality.)

2001: Gillian Anderson

HELLO. This is glam on her.

2001: Chris Robinson and Kate Hudson

Kate won here for Almost Famous, in a very boring outfit. But it's so interesting to see her looking very charming and lightly styled, and then jumping to full bombshell in 2002. Yes, that's coming.

2001: Renee Zellweger

Renee won for Nurse Betty, beating Sandra and Juliette Binoche in Chocolat, Tracey Ullman in Small Time Crooks, and Brenda Blethyn in Saving Grace. That seems like a good win. She's in a very stereotypically Renee dress.

2001: Debra Messing

This needs to be one stripe higher on the bodice and then to clip its string.

2001: Stephen Gaghan and Julianne Moore

That might be pretty? It certainly seems inoffensive.

2001: Kirsten Dunst

UNLIKE THIS SHIRT, which has given up on itself, and unfortunately did so WHILE she was wearing it.

2001: Amy Brenneman

Amy wanted her baby to be born in Regency England, but forgot to steal plutonium for the DeLorean.

2001: Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen

Mary hooked up with Doc Brown in Back to the Future III, so maybe she has a plutonium hookup. She also looks GORGEOUS here.

2001: Angelina Jolie

Angelina here appears to be having the exact issue with this bodice that I would have feared.

2001: Bai Ling

Sexy pandemic caftan, twenty years too early.

2001: Zooey Deschanel

Well, THIS was a startling discovery. She's so synonymous with the Snow White coloring now.

2001: Rob Lowe

"You're doing great, sweetie."

2002: Cate Blanchett

Now we're in 2002, and this is some really lovely beadwork that has been applied to a really stupid garment.

2002: Reese and Ryan

He looks a bit like a surly douche in this picture.

2002: Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt

Brad looks like a less surly douche, but still a pretentious one.

2002: Debra Messing

Debra apparently did NOT enjoy spending most of last year worried her string would snap and release the bodice.

2002: Kate Winslet

Very sleek.

2002: Cynthia Nixon

Everything about this is as depressing to me as the prospect of more SATC is. (Although Samantha Irby is writing on it, so that gives me a shred of hope.)

2002: Emilie De Ravin

Too much navel, kiddo.

2002: Helen Mirren

Ahhhhhh. She's like a delightful palate cleanser.

2002: Halle Berry

WHY did people make dresses that look like the wearer is urinating fabric?

2002: Vivica A. Fox

Well, her head looks gorgeous. But the dress is a bit patchy.

2002: Rachel Griffiths

I am confused about her hair choices.

2002: Roshumba Williams

She is gorgeous. Where did she go? Come back!

2002: Mia Maestro

Jessica loves a neck ruffle, so I pulled this for her.

2002: Kate Hudson

Look at this, though. She looks GREAT. Yes, it's gapping a bit as she moves, but to me this is peak and perfect Kate Hudson. It's slinky and sexy, it's actually way better on her than the famous yellow "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days" dress, and she's a literal golden spawn of Goldie in it.

2002

Tell me this is not a person at the height of her powers. Her hair is lush, her smile is twinkling. This is it.

2002: Maggie Smith

This is a person who has ALWAYS been at the height of her powers, every day, always, forever.

2002: Heather Locklear

Honestly, she also looks fantastic. Did she and Kate Hudson drink the same smoothies or something?

2002: Naomi Watts

Oh, no, what a heinous glue-gun accident.

2002: Jennifer Garner

This is the year she won for Alias, making her the second J.J. Abrams-discovered actress to win one in the nascent weeks of her show. I wonder if she looks back and wishes she'd clipped the pointless wisp of fabric that's got aspirations of being a train.

2002: Carrie-Anne Moss

That's pretty good. Maybe hoikable?

2002: Sela Ward

Reader, I screamed.

2002: Billy Bob and Angelina

Reader, I laughed.

2002: Calista Flockhart

I like this, I think?

2002: Allison Janney

Hmm. I wasn't sure about the green shade she chose in 2001, but now I miss it.

2002: Audrey Tautou

This outfit feels like the fashion opposite of Amelie.

2002: Jessica Alba

This works better than I expected.

2002: Nicole Kidman

That's an okay dress, but I am not into her head-styling at all. There's something a little harsh about it all.

2002: SWINTON

"I went to Talbots."

The Globes of the Aughts: Is Bjork Wearing Michael Jackson's Face?

It's the 2001 and 2002 Globes.