Bjork, 2000
We begin, AS DID THE MILLENNIUM, with the Michael Jackson sequins on Bjork's skirt. It's bad. It's bad. Really, really bad.
Sarah Jessica Parker, 2002
What is she DOING.
Cynthia Nixon, 2002
Gah, and what is SHE doing? I blame Pat Field. That's fair, right? But seriously, this proves sheers had been done before the recent surge, and were bad back then, too. Why are we regurgitating terrible ideas?
Sela Ward, 2002
Sela Ward, you are so beautiful. And this is so terrible.
Beyonce, 2003
AND THEN THIS HAPPENED, FOR REAL, IN THE WORLD. Her facial expression is amazing. For the record, there are plenty of photos of her looking normal, but I much prefer using this to imagine that her inner monologue about her styling is SCATHING. Like, "What cheap David's Bridal clearance rack bullshit is this? Am I getting married in a saloon?"
Lara Flynn Boyle, 2003
And then THIS.
Heather Graham, 2003
Oh, lord, it's like Sheers conbined with Demi Moore's bike shorts dress from the Oscars in the 80s.
Maria Menounos, 2003
I bet she wishes she could have this one back. She looks like something Prince Albert of Monaco probably once wore to an official dinner.
Goldie Hawn, 2003
Sigh. I prefer her caftans.
Sharon Stone, 2003
The sign-up sheet is in the hotel lobby. Bring your own whips, please.
Angie Harmon, 2003
NO, GIRL.
Nicole Kidman, 2004
Ugh, all that netting, and the twee hair... this thought it was SO GLAM, and is so very not.
Diane Kruger, 2005
Like a bad, ornate canopy bed.
Nicole Kidman, 2005
Great color, hot mess of seaming, and depressing hair.
Paula Abdul, 2005
OUUUUUCH.
Halle Berry, 2005
Look, Halle Berry is so depressed by Paula's gown that she bandaged her breasts in advance, just in case.
January Jones, 2005 (with Josh Groban)
This isn't THAT egregious but it's also not GOOD, and I mostly wanted an excuse for us all to remember January Jones from back in the Groban days.
Anne Heche, 2006
At this point I think we were all concerned Anne Heche was back to wandering around calling herself Celestia.
Heidi Klum, 2006
I can't even cope with how bad that bodice is. She looks like she's wearing a collar and a leash, like a newfangled Princess Leia minus the wire underpants.
Reese Witherspoon, 2006
Well, sure, even women in chain mail might want to put on an apron to protect it from pasta sauce. You don't know her life.
Gwyneth Paltrow, 2006
It's maternity, but it's also Tragic Austen.
Charlize Theron, 2006
Nope. Reload and fire again.
Vanessa Williams, 2007
A delicious tornado of battyness.
Cameron Diaz, 2007
Unsuccessful on every level.
Rinko Kikuchi, 2007
You've heard of farms that let you pick your own berries. This one lets you pick your own loofah.
Sharon Leal, 2007
A failure to wrangle of the highest order.
Blake Lively, 2009
This gown was custom-made for her, which makes its horrendous fit inexcusable.
Anne Hathaway, 2009
How far she's come.
Freida Pinto, 2009
This is bunchy and depressing, especially considering how gorgeous she is and how well the color suits her.
Cameron Diaz, 2009
YOU ARE SO TAN, CAMERON.
Isla Fisher, 2009
... a high-fashion mud puddle?
Renee Zellweger, 2009
This is so screamingly hilariously bad that I had actually blotted it out of my mind. SHE. LOOKS. INSANE. Like she blew in on the wing of a plane and has been telling everyone she's your aunt from the continent.
Drew Barrymore, 2010
Sea Anemone Chic.
Amanda Seyfried, 2010
So overwrought, and then she had to go and wear actual birds on her feet.
Nicole Kidman, 2010
This is somehow both underwrought and overwrought. And full of nipple.
Julianne Moore, 2010
Upsetting.
Chloe Sevigny, 2010
AMAZING. But maybe not in the way she intended. Or in EXACTLY the way she intended, possibly, and we'll never know.
January Jones, 2011
This is like an update of Sela Ward's bad dress, and yes, the new version fails also. I know some people liked it, but I sincerely think the cleavage and her glossy, perfect head-styling are just hypnotizing them.
Michelle Williams, 2011
Noooooooo. There is much to be sad about here, and I suspect for Anthropologie the main regret is that it never sold the hand-towel version of this dress.
Julianne Moore, 2011
HELLO, SLEEVE, MY OLD NEMESIS.
Erin Wasson, 2012
HELLO EVERYTHING, MY OLD NEMESIS.
Morena Baccarin, 2013
Ugh, and then this one hid all of her light under a mourning bushel.
Kerry Washington, 2013
Some people also loved this, but I truly didn't. It's too much sheer, too short, too deeply cut, and the hair completely obscures her face.
Halle Berry, 2013
The perfect encapsulation of Hot Mess.