Madonna and child
The thing about Madonna's son is, he was actually well-behaved and well-spoken on the red carpet, but at one point Giuliana asked him if he had a grill as she does, and he lit up and said, "You said for my next birthday..." and Madonna WAVED HER HAND AT HIM DISMISSIVELY and said something like, "Yeah but then you'd have to go to the dentist first and get a mold... be quiet." And he delivered the most divine, exquisite "ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THAT NONSENSE" expression but clammed up and stayed classy. She could learn a thing or two from him. Also, she's totally getting him a grill soon, which is a shame, but... at this point she kind of owes him something shiny.
Madonna
This is weird for me. On one hand, I'm relieved she didn't show up in tights and a corset. On the other, it feels snoozy and unoriginal, for a woman with a legacy of being neither. On the OTHER other hand, maybe it's a relief that she's not busting her spleen trying to re-impress us all over and over again, because she has nothing to prove to us anymore, for sure. On the OTHER OTHER other hand, I wish she'd just wear something sincerely and not be gimmicky. On the OTHER ETC. hand, can she even do that anymore? If she showed up in an evening gown would we be able to evaluate it without her essential Madonna-ness coming through? So if you think about it, this might be the best option, even if it's sort of aggressively fine.
Madonna
However, the grill is HEINOUS. STOP IT. And if she DOES give in and buy that kid a grill... HE'S EIGHT YEARS OLD. MAKE HIM WAIT A DECADE AT LEAST.
Madonna
And then she went Cowgirl of Mercy during her performance with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. I have never wanted Madonna and Kenny Rogers to intersect more than I do right now. Open a chicken restaurant together, you two. Do a duet. Whatever it takes. Know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em, and as far as I'm concerned, it's time to ante up.
Wedding
It was pretty funny when Ryan Lewis solemnly had to come nudge Latifah aside so that Madonna's giant entrance door could open. She... has sounded better than on her dirgey version of "Open Your Heart." Jessica noted that she wished Madge would have then broken into "Like A Virgin" or "Like A Prayer," or any of the "Likes," which I have now dubbed Madonna's Simile Collection.
Macklemore, Ryan Lewis, Mary Lambert, Madonna, Queen Latifah
And let's pause to note that the mass wedding was surprisingly affecting, considering how short it was. Maybe that's just because I wish Queen Latifah had officiated at my wedding. Sigh. Maybe she can officiate the vow renewal I just decided to have, although I am only going to have it if she can officiate. So that's tough.
Queen Latifah
And then let's also pause to acknowledge that Queen Latifah LOOKS AWESOME. And aptly named.