Heidi Klum in Dundas

I would have guessed this was either Zuhair Murad, or Julien Macdonald. It is neither. It is also... only okay. The monotony of the slit and deep vee aside, I would have slicked back the hair and done a hot lip, at the very least, to make this feel fresher.

Cardi B in Mugler (with Offset)

Cardi does not seem to have walked the red carpet. She wore Mugler last year as well -- the one where it looked like she was emerging from a seashell -- so I suppose one could call this more understated. As naked Muglers go, Kim's emerging-from-the-deep at the Met Gala was more effective.

Lana del Rey

This is pretty. I am missing a bracelet, a LITTLE?

Saweetie in Moschino

I ALSO rather like this. Moschino showed it with a giant safety pin at the hip, and I do not think I miss it. She looks quite lovely in this.

JoJo

This is too much: too big, too slitted, too in need of a hoik.

Sheila E

I didn't know why she was there, until we got to the big Prince tribute (in aid of an upcoming CBS piece). Sometimes I think the Grammys are too worried that popular music isn't foot-stomping enough and so they line up some "oldies" that are, sadly and yet also mercifully, right in my ancient wheelhouse now. She looks glorious in this.

Trevor Noah

Comfortingly handsome.

Shaun Ross

This might not be metallic, or sparkly, but it IS full body jewelry so COUNT IT. This is head-to-toe pearls, and I guarantee you he left an expensive breadcrumb trail all night as they popped off one by one.

Flavor Flav

I mean, that's even a pretty reasonable large clock he's wearing. This is slick.

Luis Fonsi and Agueda Lopez

He looks super, and she is wearing a belt on her skin.

Orville Peck

We have to take new author photos next week and this is solving my problem of What To Do About My Face. Thanks, Orville!

Straight-Up Sparkles Were In Surprisingly Short Supply at the Grammys

Also, my new author photo at the end.