Justin Bieber
Ostensibly the Bieb is pointing at someone here, but I like to think he's unsheathing a finger gun and isn't afraid to use it. Because that seems really apropos for this suit.
Baby, baby, baby, ewwwwwwww...
I just... I appreciate him for trying something, I guess? And when you're parading around on a boat deck kissing Selena Gomez, I suppose it is sort of amusing to turn around and show up at the Grammys in virginal white. Or rather, virginal off-white. Because those shoes? The giant high-tops? THOSE are white. Those are the shoes of astronauts, and the suit is the tux of clammy-palmed Prom dates who went shopping at the last second and are paying off the suit by doing a couple shifts at the punch bowl.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Then the Bieb got serious. He broke it down for us, y'all. He UNPLUGGED. And a bunch of teenagers wept and dreamed of the day they would be wed, and then Usher came out and cocked HIS finger-guns and was all, "Dude, you are The Chosen One," and then they danced.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
And oh, how they danced. Usher's all, "TAKE ME TO YOUR BIEBER." And the Bieb is all, "I am fly. I am so fly."
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHH!
And then I was all, "Child, you are not so fly that your hand should move any closer to your fly." If that inches south even a little, I will be forced to behead myself in order to preserve my innocence.