Cate Blanchett in Stella McCartney

I gather this is a 2014 Stella McCartney look from her green collection, and from the front, it's no big deal. It's barely okay. The pants hit her leg at an awkward point that I think catapult them out of "chic" and into "clunky," but what's frustrating is that our photo services didn't get a picture of the back. You'll have to visit her stylst's instagram and click through to the third photo (the second one is kinda warped). The two hearts printed on the cape are nice, but... a cape alone cannot save sad pants.

Julianne Moore in Ferragamo

However, I LOVE this. That's not a color we ever see on Julianne Moore, and the drape and the earrings and the makeup are all lovely. Somehow it looks specific rather than shapeless.

Emily Ratajkowski

I feel like her style mantra 92 percent of the time is, "Try to look like you threw this on after a day on a boat."

Alison Brie

This says, "David's Bridal clearance rack."

Stella Maxwell in Philosophy

This was custom, but I am pretty sure the designer owned those jeans in the 80s and wore them wholeheartedly and without the adornments.

Alessandra Ambrosio in Philosophy

That's much prettier, if also SUPER mammarially precarious.

Cindy Crawford in Versace

It doesn't blow me away, but it's GREEN, so... maybe they're going for points for being literal.

Olivia Palermo

This feels like Carine Roitfeld cosplay -- as if Olivia, formerly of The City for which she may or may not have held a real job at Elle, is noticing the Hills reboot and hopes someone will want to revive her show and pretend she's got her own magazine now.

Paloma Faith

Whereas she looks like she's in costume as an editrix from the early 80s. Those glasses are so specific.

Petra Nemcova

This is like a bathrobe and a tablecloth mixed together. That's not an all-in-one very many people need, unless I guess you take breakfast in bed.

Kat Graham

This is one of the better looks in this slideshow, but that's not QUITE a compliment.

Hari Nef

WELCOME TO CAFTANIA, Hari. I'm just pleased this pattern is not BABIES.

Anna Ewers

This is half TP-ing, half Maypole queen.

Lady Victoria Hervey

She's so used to being in see-through clothes that she clearly doesn't even know how shirts and skirts are SUPPOSED to look.

Livia Firth

She's a calming, bracing breeze of sanity.

I Wish The Green Carpet Fashion Awards Had More Pizzazz

Eco-friendly AND interesting should be able to happen, right?