Kerry Washington

What is even going on with this. Kerry Washington shouldn't ever get erased by her outfit, but that's exactly what's happening here. I want to ditch the bodice and just make it a continuation of the bottom, and see where we are. This is all too suffocating.  

Rowan Blanchard

The top here has NOTHING to do with the bottom -- it's very jarring, like the fairy godmother had a small accident and combined Cinderella and one of the footmen -- but I also think it looks great on Rowan, who has a quirky sense of style that can sometimes take over, but which in this case has not. 

Amy Adams

This is a bit different for her, and I like that she leaned into the red accents. I'm not sure it's that flattering, necessarily, or... maybe it's not tailored right? Something is off but only by a couple degrees.  

Hari Nef

Hari here you might remember from THE PATTERN IS BABIES, and while I am THRILLED to report that this pattern is not babies, I think even Hari is a bit like, "WHAT HO MR BINGLEY, SHALL WE DANCE A REEL?"

Mia Maestro

Honestly, if someone sent me this, I too would call Elie Saab.  

Billie Lourd

Everything here is nice except that she needed more room in the bodice.  

My pet peeve about formal pockets: this.

Dakota Johnson

I'm conflicted here, because I LOVE that Dakota went with color and a dark lip, and she looks terrific in this. But she ALSO looks a touch matronly in this, no? Or at least as if it was inspired by Krystle Carrington.  

with Melanie Griffith

Enter Melanie, who looks very dramatic.   

Soko

She is delighted by the early-evening darkness because it means she can pop out of her coffin much sooner.  

Kim Kardashian

I assume that is glued to her chest. Honestly, she looks perfectly fine -- it's a nice change from see-through -- but a better lip and her original hair color might've sold this to me better (and I say that as someone who doesn't even mind this grayish blond on her).  

Jared Leto

"IS THIS YOUR CARD?" Jared asked, pulling something out of his pocket. "Shit, hang on, that's not a card -- that's one of the counterfeit Rolexes I'm selling tomorrow in Las Vegas."

Lindsey Vonn

The Gucci poncho dresses -- we also saw one on Zoe Saldana -- are just... a lot. Cut the flower off, and it's autimatically better, but I still think this is going to be Too Too Much on just about everyone.  

Behati Prinsloo

She is pregnant, so wearing a short dress is always a risk. You do not know what your bump is gonna do.  

Jami Gertz

Swap out the shoes and lose the tulle, and I'm IN on this.  

Elizabeth Chambers in Emilia Wickstead, and Armie Hammer

Dylan's occupational therapist has these sequin pillows that are silver on one side and a dark color on the other, so you can run your hands around them and make patterns. This dress reminds me of that, which... may not be optimal for her.

Jane Fonda in Elie Saab

Jane here has picked an Elie Saab that LOOKS like it might be a Gucci, which sort of defeats the purpose of choosing not to wear Gucci. It's also crazy unflattering and I can see all the shapewear underneath it, which... this is a bummer. 

Annabelle Wallis in Dior

Annabelle either didn't get or didn't select Gucci for this, and what she DID pick is... so very bland. For a second I thought she was Mischa Barton, and then I wondered if she was hoping people would mistake her for Michelle Pfeiffer. That's quite a range.

Naomi Campbell in Versace

Naomi knows what works on her, and dollars to donuts NONE of these Guccis were to her liking.

Salma Hayek

She actually looks pretty damn good in this, even if I do long to clip off the hip kerchief.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Beautiful color, forgettable bows.  

Tali Lennox

I'm almost stunned Dakota didn't end up in this wonky thing.  

Usher

Peace be with you, too, Usher.  

Gucci + LACMA: Patterns and Lunacy Ahoy

Herein: Kerry, Kim, Jared, Billie, Naomi, and a Dakota.