A still from "Heaven's Prisoners," 1996
It makes me feel old that a whole generation will only know Alec Baldwin as That Older Man Who Purrs Fierce Advice At Liz Lemon, considering I will always remember him thusly: demi-bouffanted, with shag carpeting on his chest that requires manual combing.
February 1999
I believe Alec is 41 at this point in time, when he went with the electrocution spikes. Although, strangely, for me, if he's not Young Alec Baldwin, he's Jack Donaghy -- there is no in between in my memory. So I don't really remember what it felt like when this was the Alec Baldwin of the present. I'm sure we were like, "Wow, he's getting old, huh, but also, CHEST HAIR STILL AHOY, and I wonder if he'll EVER host Saturday Night Live again."
July 2000
This really does seem like the grown-up version of his wheeler-dealer character in Working Girl, and if you haven't seen that movie... well, I am thinking of fugcapping it, because it's SUCH an incredible hair and makeup time capsule. Like, I lived through that era, and I STILL gasp every time Joan Cusack walks into a room in that movie.
July 2000
"So wait -- you're telling me it's the eyebrows? I'm supposed to tell apart six different blue or green engines just because their noses or eyebrows are slightly different shapes? Couldn't these people have dug up a box of Crayola 64 and made a couple of these damnable trains orange, or puce, or putty, or royal purple?"
February 2001
Oh, sweet holy jackballs, those are bad. Those are worse than the Tom Cruise Flowbee era. Those are hair fangs. Also, let's assume that's snow on his shoulders. And that the weather was his stylist in this instance.
March 2001
I just thought this was funny. Remember when J.Lo.Hew was redhead-adjacent? I bet she doesn't, either.
Nov 2001
"Smartphones? Words With Friends? Kenneth the Page? Oh, Nostradamus, you ridiculous cad of a prankster."
May 2002
"Why yes, I am stealing this silver cup and using it at home as a one-person chafing dish. And if you think that's a waste of my time and resources, then you don't know me at ALL. Now get back before my hair alerts the police."
January 2003
Collar up, hair fangs down.
May 2003
This one is for Jessica. You know how she feels about pictures of people pointing at things. I love that this appears to be a chain-point. One dude points at Alec, so Alec points to ANOTHER person, and so on and so forth until everyone is pointing at everyone and it's safe for the orgy to begin.
August 2003
"No, Stephen, I'm serious. That hair is even worse than my dark days of fangdom. Down that road lies tragedy and I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. SAVE YOURSELF. Or at least let me introduce you to my pomade guy. I don't know what he puts in that stuff but I think it's illegal in at least ten states and parts of Canada."
October 2003
"Pomade guy? What pomade guy? I don't know WHAT you mean. I'm just here with Maria laughing and smiling and I have no IDEA about anyone getting FDA-disapproved hair products confiscated somewhere down near Trenton."
November 2003
"Goddamn over-the-counter pomade. This finger gun is totally half-hearted."
November 2003
Jessica loves pictures of pointing; I love photos of Alec Baldwin pretending to eat popcorn for the camera. I didn't even know that was a genre until I found this. Look how suave he is here. This is the dawn of the Hot Damn, Alec Baldwin Is A Foxy Older Dude era, long before even Jack Donaghy reminded us that we should never go with a hippie to a second location.
February 2004
Tyra Banks would be so proud of this photo. Anne Heche is truly connecting with her audience, dominating the indomitable Baldwin. Damn, did I just invent a Top Model challenge? I think I did.
Nov 2004
"I had wondered if my chin hair is as resilient and resplendent as my head-suit. The answer, I fear, is no."
Feb 2006
This was just six months before the first Fashion Week Jessica and I ever attended. I am so desperately sad we missed the chance to see Alec Baldwin in the front row, and even sadder that we didn't get to eavesdrop on some random reporter being like, "So, Alec, what's your favorite candy?" As for his hair... when it's undone like this, it's the only time I've ever wondered how much of it is actually his.
Jan 2007
Another one for Jessica. Baldwin is all, "It is 'ludacris' that I've never owned a monogrammed velvet blazer," and Luda is going, "Yeah, I've heard that one before, Jack," and Baldwin is like, "I AM MORE THAN JUST JACK DONAGHY," and Luda's all, "No one is more than Jack Donaghy," and Baldwin is left to contemplate the wisdom of that verbal fortune cookie while he fluffs his endearingly shaggy-yet-styled cranial tuffet.
June 2008
Oy, and we're back to this again. You're not Tilda Swinton, Alec. And that's truly okay. We only have room for one.
Jan 2009
This is my default image for Older Alec Baldwin: broad, iron-haired, tan, and ready to explain to me all about the glorious history of GE microwave technology.
March 2010
"I can't help but notice your darkened tresses, Alec. What IS your beef with having a snow-capped peak? What, are the Alps not majestic enough for your prizewinning skull? If I rubbed my shoes against your hair, it would polish them."
April 2011
And now we're back to the Unbearable Lightening of Baldwin."
August 2011
Oh, lord, and just a few months later, we were at the Unbearable Trumpening of Baldwin. Granted, the front is far less of a swoop, but he's got that beige collar fluff -- the overlong semi-mullet that hangs down below your ears and suggests somebody saw Thor and said, "Honey, YOU should try your hair like that."
August 2011
Oh my god. I saw this photo and thought to myself, "When did Alec Baldwin turn into Tony Bennett?" And then I glanced at the caption and it was labeled, "Tony Bennett." MIND MELD. Now don't hog the champers, Mr. Baldnett.
September 2011
Oh, heavens. It looks like the pelt of a Gund koala.
January 2012
Alec credits his ability to hold himself at a 45-degree angle to the fringe benefits of hooking up with his yoga teacher.
June 2012
"Wait a minute, where's the groom? Is that rat bastard Alec Baldwin going to stand up that glorious woman, because... Oh, wait. You're saying I AM Alec Baldwin? ... Since WHEN?"
August 2012
Two things are happening here: 1) Hilaria Baldwin has on really hot shoes, and 2) Alec Baldwin has on an outmoded Bieber. Oh, Alec. It's not even FRESH BIEBER. It's PASSE BIEBER. REEVALUTE, SIR. You were plenty dashing before.