Rihanna in Fenty
Rihanna is, of course, in one of her own designs. Fenty won the "Urban Luxe" award (beating Moncler's Genius Collection, which included the Valentino puffers). I like Rihanna, and I'm impressed with the acumen that's turned her into a mogul. But the satin minidress at the heart of this outfit looks so half-assed, like an overdressed car-hop. (Worse, even with the jewels, it looks inexpensive.) The shirt/cape, which I believe is actually hooked to it by chains at her shoulders, is at least bringing some high fashion to it, even if tulle gloves seem like an impediment to eating a meal or going to the bathroom. And you might be wondering if I'm counting the cape as the high-low part. I am, sort of, but...
... there is ALSO a low-high situation. So the cape, I guess, is also functioning as a sanitary seat liner.
I DID really like the genius of how her braids echo the strands of bling on the back of the dress. That's very smart synergistic styling.
Noomi Rapace
I will not rest until she plays a bullfighter who is also a private detective.
Ellie Goulding in Chloe
I will not rest until she takes that off and lights it on fire.
Dina Asher-Smith
Dina is a sprinter. I don't necessarily hate this on her even though beige is not usually my thing, but I do wish it weren't bunching up like that.
Amber Valletta
I assume all these women were extremely cold, which is exactly how this minidress leaves me. I do feel like Princess Leia would have worn this for her first big event after Han ran back to being a mercenary, looking like a fox and making him regret his choices.
Charli XCX
This feels like Amy Winehouse meets Helena Bonham Carter.
Emma Roberts in Attico
"Stay cool, Em," she thought. "No one will find out about the thing with the chickens."
Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli
So, this appears to be a sparkly high-waisted skirt, and then a cape that's attached to JUST the bra bodice. I think she looks awesome in it, but the bra bodice still pokes rudely at my soul. It's just... it could almost always be better some other way.
Winnie Harlow in Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood
This is from the Disney Crotch Flap Collection.
Jourdan Dunn
As is this! Also, this is really more if a high-slightly less high than a high-low, because it's only like two inches lower than the front. But. It's THERE.
Rose Bertram in Ralph & Russo
Was this made for someone an inch or two shorter than she is? It's tight on her crotch AND barely containing her chest. NOTHING is happy to be in it.
Rochelle Humes
Yes, Rochelle, you are right to hold the jewel box purse over your, er, jewel box.
Stella Maxwell in Etro
She is going to throw her hip out of joint.
Bella Thorne
And ALL of them are keeping their waxers in business. (Also, this was a surprise. Hi, Bella. For now it seems you will remain a one-time Fug Madness champ.)
Irina Shayk in Burberry
Do we think that's... made of jersey? It's HIDEOUS. I genuinely think she put on a caftan and then Riccardo Tisci just twisted it up and stapled it into something.
It's SLIGHTLY better in the back? Because he did less to it, beyond cutting it a huge hole.
Adut Akech in Valentino
She won Model of the Year, (beating Adwoa Aboah and Winnie Harlow, who are tough competition, and Kaia Gerber, who is not), and she looks terrific in this -- it very much puts a symbolic bow on 2019 for her.
Joan Smalls in Stella McCartney
Okay, Stella. I'll give you this one.
Tracee Ellis Ross in Loewe
Loewe is designed right now by Jonathan Anderson, also of JW Anderson, and... yeah, he didn't win, either. I am not a fan in general, but I do think this outfit -- which came with the neckpiece on the runway -- works very well on Tracee, or perhaps it's more accurate that Tracee works very well for this outfit.
Eleanor Tomlinson
This is quite beautiful and intricate. An excellent choice.
Cindy Bruna
I am not quite sure WHAT the hemline is on this. It's just a BUNCH of lines glued together.
Daisy Lowe
Sigh. There is always SOMEONE who thinks this look is cute.