Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
I basically want Emma Stone to wear this RIGHT NOW in a '60s detective caper.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Or this. Although I SEE YOU, NAVEL. Just zip that sucker down a touch, Stone.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
There is a lot of netting in this show. Let me put that out there right now. But this has some nice bones, and if you take away some of the elaborateness, maybe... Naomi Watts?
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
This. Is. Insane. It looks like Taylor Swift's Armani Gift Bags, Now At Hallmark.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
So basically, the hem of this coat wraps up to the neck? 'sup, tourniquet.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
And this is... what, the recycled materials challenge?
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Project Runway: Bomb Squad.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
I was going to start singing Cake's "Short Skirt, Long Jacket," and then I realized those are shorts. OF COURSE. (Right?) So now you have two earworms jockeying for position.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Ah, the old bearskin rug outfit.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
For my science fair project, I'm doing The Solar System In Mourning.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
And this is The Solar System After Planetary Warming.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Man, aspects of this are so good, but if you look closely you can see WAY too much boob compression, and the waist line is SUPER CRAZY UNFLATTERING. I'd like to send it back with notes.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Sometimes I imagine Lindsay Lohan walking around the house in this all day, crying, smoking a cigarette, mumbling lines from Mean Girls.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
COME AND GET IT, BELLA THORNE.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
I do sort of want to see that in Nicole Kidman. WITH the tulle veil, obviously.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Blake Lively should already be on the phone.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Bride of the Planetarium. (But not in a bad way? I mean, obviously, The Tulle Fountain is getting stripped off all these suckers.)
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Oh my God, NO. By which I mean YES, Katy Perry, be insane again.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Cate Blanchett loves a slinky red number.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
I could not hate MORE how this fits around the crotch. It's just the rough draft, right? RIGHT?
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
Oh, but La Blanch would love that, too. I'd also love to see it on, say, a January Jones, with a matching red lip.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
It's EITHER going to be, say, Fan Bingbing at Cannes, or Selena Gomez at whatever she's invited to.
Giorgio Armani Privé Fall 2014 Haute Couture
SWINTON YOU ARE NEEDED.