Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
I cherish this, and call dibs on it. Dibs is a real thing. I'm pretty sure.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
That dress ALSO hurts so good. Should I call those Mellencamps?
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
If Julia Roberts would just EMBRACE being a diva...
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
The kimono-style mini is going to be hard to war for a lot of people -- tough proportions on the top, tough length on the bottom.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
The thing about a too-short skirt with an outfit like this is, it makes the wearer look boxy. Lengthen that and maybe take off the blazer, and it's totally the kind of coverable Rachel Bilson/Zoe Hart stuff we love.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
Well, that's... unflattering to any shape.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
That's pretty. Stick it on an up-and-comer, I think, like a Zoey Deutch.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
That coat is so Blanchett. I feel like she wouldn't wear this label, but maybe if they snuck onto the red carpet and tossed it at her she'd be like, "Aces, thanks."
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
The Glam Sweatshirt is definitely a thing this season.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
That's a Letterman dress. Or I guess a Fallon dress. Basically, it's for your late-night talk show needs.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
... I'm thinking nobody. It's too old-looking for the young crowd, and too inexpensive-looking for the older crowd.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
This is going to happen, and I'm going to get SUPER CRANKY when it does. I'm feeling Taylor Swift, or someone on Teen Wolf, or something. Which probably means it'll be Meryl Streep.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
This label reads young to me, in general, so I'm going to say Zendaya, a Disney starlet we saw all over fashion week. She loves wacky pants. And these aren't really even all that wacky.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
Kelly Rowland JUST wore something similarly full-coverage, with the neck scarf and everything, and it was a little oppressive for me. But if someone took that piece off it might work; it just feels like a step too far. I could see a Gabrielle Union in this, maybe, or a Jaime King. Someone who likes drama but isn't all up in our grills about it.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
And of course, there are coats. Did you doubt? You didn't.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
For real, the plush memo went around to EVERYONE.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
It's like her thighs and her elbows are wearing their own fur turbans.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
Pretty fabric, though. The fur is a little aggressive for it, although less so in this usage.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
Similar treatment, different fabric. The one in the middle is the one we're most likely to see, and that's a shame, because that one also looks like the wearer had a HULK BOOBS moment and ripped it into a deeper V.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
And this is the Kristen Stewart version.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
Or maybe this is. I kind of miss K.Stew. Anyone? Anyone?
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
Please DON'T let this be the Kristen Stewart version. Or anyone's version. Of anything.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
There have been a few things this season that appeal to my latent need to be a Person of Mystery, and this is definitely high on that list.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
This all looks a little Plastique to me, no? And haphazardly fitted.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
I guess that's one way to avoid fit issues. It's also a great way to make use of the extra hairnets in your economy-size bag.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
I think those are thigh-high boots. They are too much with the skirt. The blouse is good, though.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
Another one for a CW-level starlet. Katie Cassidy? I'm not sure if she's that into cleavage, though.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
How to spot someone who's just been felt up by a person in metallic oven mitts that were coated with paste.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
That feels like something that'll turn up on a magazine cover, possibly on Selena Gomez or one of her ilk.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
I want to feel it, but the draping looks more like... pulling.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
For if Lorde ever decides to show some leg.
Blumarine: Milan Fashion Week Fall 2014
Hmm. Juliette Barnes! She's not real, but whatever. SHE'S REAL TO ME.