Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

This looks so much more like Elegant Napkins: Fold Your Way To Freedom than hideous cobwebs, a la the Blanchett dress. So that's something for which to be thankful.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

Lady Mary would love this.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

I enjoy the effect of this -- it looks like leafing through a book.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

That's definitely some pretty workmanship.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

Whereas this version looks like lingerie and a cheap blouse.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

Serviette Yourself: Pleat It Like You Mean It.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

I'm pretty sure that the ruler of some dimension, somewhere, lives inside this dress and whoever gets to own it will have to have conversations with that person on a nightly basis and also possibly do his/her bidding.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

This makes me think of diamonds. Did Christopher Kane go to Jared?

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

Does she really NEED a stripe at the midsection that's inflatable?

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

I'm really afraid of all the flower symbolism that's happening on her nethers. And the scratchy line over it, like an old mystic has reached out with a wobbly thumbnail and chalked a NO sign over a girl's pelvis as it appears in her Magic Bowl. And the dude who paid her for the advice is like, "Forget YOU, old lady," and promptly his own nethers shrivel into dust. Just a theory.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

Little Bo Peep Lost Her Sheep Because She Was Trying To Help Schoolkids Cross The Street.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

I love this whole thing. Miley, wear it. It's so much better than the versions of this you've already done.

Christopher Kane: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14

That's groovy, too. Get in there, Lily Allen.

High Fugshion: Christopher Kane, London Fashion Week Fall 2014

Christopher Kane lent Cate Blanchett one of my least favorite dresses of her entire Blue Jasmine run -- I personally dislike this SIGNIFICANTLY more than the crazy massive sleeveless afghan -- and so of course I want us all to look at what's coming down the pike. Also, I just realized that anyone Googling "Christopher Pike" might therefore turn up at this entry, and hello to you, Disappointed Fans of Old Teen Thrillers. I loved Remember Me, too. [Photos: Getty]