Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
We begin with matador diapers, adorned with Fallopian accents and a genital-cupping cut.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Seriously, no one ever wants to be part of the Genital Sag discussion.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Skirts are always better than hotpants. Well, okay, maybe there are certain instances where hotpants are required, but it's VERY rare and specific.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Ponchos Without Pants is something D&G very much believes in for next spring.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
No, really. I wasn't kidding. Ugly Betty would have been a very different show if she had gotten this memo.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
This poncho at least comes with a dress version, for people who are more delicate with their nethers.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
This poncho has ACTUAL CLOTHES UNDER IT. Though for all I know, it's just a second, longer poncho. It's a double poncho.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Let us relax with a fully-formed, pretty dress for a moment. We'll need it.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Much cuter this way.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
This is totally going to turn up on Selena Gomez, right?
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Don't be sad, my pet. This isn't anywhere near the worst of the bunch.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
She is ALSO not impressed. But other than the potentially awkward length, I don't think this is bad at all. It's a pretty scroll pattern, at least.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
I LOVE it as a dramatic cape dress. I like the other, also, but when you put the red band between top and bottom, it makes the lower piece look like it's circling her ovaries.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
DO NOT BE LURED BY THE DOTS, STARLETS. THIS WILL LOOK INSANE. I'm worried for Katy Perry.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
That's fun visually, but on a red-carpet, I'm likely to wish the entire skirt had the ruffle layers.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Just leave this alone, Iggy Azalea. (Actually, I don't see her as a polka-dot person, particularly, but the advice still stands.)
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
That's sprightly.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
The diaper version, less so (she looks like a conductor in the Hotpants Marching Band). But the cocktail frock is nice enough.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
I am not getting on board with BeDazzled jeans.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
And I am really not behind them when paired with that sad camisole.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Is this an audition to costume someone in a space movie?
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
The cape is the best part of any of these.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
What, did someone spill coffee on the overlay?
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
"Wear me on stage, Fergie," the first one screams.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
This just feels very "lather, rinse, repeat," of the last two years.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Bullfighters and cummerbunds. We knew they were coming.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
I DO like this coat. And not just because it's also a diaper shield.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
I wish that were just a blouse. Maybe with the skirt on the one several slides back that looks like it's missing its dress.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
The pattern on the one on the right vaguely reminds me of the locket in the 1982 Annie movie.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
This whole SHIRT could be the locket. Try hiding THAT in your storage room, Miss Hannigan. (Actually, that room was large and full of boxes. She could do it. Carol Burnett's Miss Hannigan could hide anything. Except sometimes her slips.)
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Did the designers WATCH "Annie" recently?
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
I want to like this, but that's just sort of messy to me.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Prettyish?
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Quite cute. That'll make the rounds.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Even cuter! It's so Taylor Swift to me.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
This looks a bit like everything hits her too high: the waist, the hem.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
SWEET CODPIECE SANDWICH.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
O DEMON PELVIC PANEL.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
She's like, "My skirt suggests the circus is in town. AND THIS IS IT."
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
This is like a Mel Brooks parody.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
Better.
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
And, Kendall Jenner. She worked a lot this Fashion Week -- she was in some shows we saw and I didn't realize until later that she'd walked past us. So she must be holding her own out there. Good for her?
Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2015
The Pampers Posse is coming. Everyone stay strong.