TOM FORD: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
It says a lot about how weird I am that I'm staring at this hideous thing, and my big beef with it is that the number on the front is "61" but the number on her sleeve clearly is NOT "61" and that makes no sense. I'm looking for logic in all the wrong places.
TOM FORD: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
I don't know what universe puts this dress and that first one in the same show, but okay. Listen up, Julianne Moore: Don't. Let Florence Welch or someone like that take this bullet.
TOM FORD: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
... for when you want to go jogging in Central Park wearing a skirt?
TOM FORD: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
I'm getting all sad now. At least the jersey was sparkly.
TOM FORD: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Finally, something to love: that jacket.
TOM FORD: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Do it, Gwyneth. DO IT. The fishnets, the red cowboy boots, the actually kind of cool slithery red suit... just do it all. HAVE IT ALL, GOOP.
TOM FORD: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
And then something like this comes out, which feels meant for Katy Perry. This show is all over the place.
TOM FORD: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
I will accept it on Joan Collins. Or Joan Rivers. Any of the regal Joans.
Roksanda Ilincic: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
This looks like its place is, yes, at a daytime Cannes photocall. That's when everyone has too look MOSTLY fancy but still not AS fancy as when the premiere happens at night.
Roksanda Ilincic: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Not loving the khaki stripe.
Roksanda Ilincic: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
That's interesting, except for how it looks like there is supposed to be another person here wearing the extra material on the side.
Roksanda Ilincic: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
All business. Ergo, not likely to come out to play.
Roksanda Ilincic: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Here we go. You know, Carey Mulligan doesn't get enough attention for being a little on the color-dull side. What if she roared out in something like this?
Burberry Prorsum: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
This show was all either coats, or scarves belted over dresses.
Burberry Prorsum: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
See? It's a little uninspiring.
Burberry Prorsum: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
This version of the style is actually quite pretty, though -- of them all, it feels the most like a garment.
Burberry Prorsum: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
And that is a beach towel.
Burberry Prorsum: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Let's just look at some coats instead.
Burberry Prorsum: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
COATS. I also actually really love the scarf in this case.
Burberry Prorsum: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
That coat has some gorgeous work on it. Also, don't you wonder if they are ever tempted to be like, 'Screw it, the coat is the showpiece; I won't make ANYTHING to go under it. Just button it and walk." Time saver!
Burberry Prorsum: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
I feel like this person went to Italy for self-discovery and came back wearing a LOT of scarves and wide-brim hats and her friends were like, "Nice life, if you can get it, SIGH."
London Fashion Week - Burberry Runway
Apparently the models (or some of them?) had their own monogrammed blankets. She and Suki Waterhouse each wore their into the venue.
London Fashion Week - Burberry Runway
And here is Suki, in a dress that's going to give us all migraines if it's ever worn as-is. All that scroll work on that fabric is so gorgeous.
London Fashion Week - Burberry Runway
And, Suki again, in an incredibly unflattering outfit that I'd put on Pregnant Drew Barrymore when the temps get below 65 in L.A.
Erdem: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
I do not want anyone from "Downton" -- not even the downstairs maids that have driven me to drink this season -- to wear a dress that looks sneezed upon by a large animal with terrible sinus diseases.
Erdem: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
The whole Metallic Pee thing (thank you, "National Lampoon's Vacation") is not a motif I had hoped would pervade all the fashion weeks, but we're now two for two.
Erdem: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
This feels like it has a WHIFF of the Duchess about it, no?
Erdem: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Whereas this is more The Dockery. I feel like she is the person in England that designers most want to dress right now, who isn't married to Prince William.
Erdem: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Ugh. No.
Erdem: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
... I'm going to need to see that in context, I think. I could see a Lily Collins trying to stick that landing.
Antonio Berardi: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
I included this one mostly for the shoes.
Antonio Berardi: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Someone will wear this and I will be so SAD because I've yearned for more green and for it to be THIS gobby globby green will break my tiny heart.
Antonio Berardi: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
Jessie J wore similar boots as part of a Tom Ford ensemble, and... just please no, everyone. That is too much work for too little merit. The dress is cute though.
Antonio Berardi: Runway - London Fashion Week AW14
That's also intriguing and may look like a very darkly sinister bunny rabbit on her chest.