Alison Brie
Okay. I know people can't help the weather. But this was the Monse Fall 2016 fashion show, so it's not even like they were supposed to be showing spring clothes. Alison Brie showing up in a teeny tiny reconstructed shirt just looked totally bizarre on a winter day that was quite windy. Emmy Rossum was at this show, and told me that three hours earlier she'd been wearing like three hats and scarves and two coats on the 6 Train. I'm sure Alison Brie had coats, also, but just... Emmy at least had on a long-sleeve shirt and tights with her skirt. (She's not in here because I couldn't confirm that the skirt was Monse, mostly because I liked it. You'll see her elsewhere.)
Jaime King
Yes, it's pants. Yes, that band across the top is in the style of a shirt collar. And yes, I THINK the sleeve motif was present hanging in the back. I get the artistic idea of repurposing shirts, but I just wish it created more attractive garments.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
We open with a hot mess and a pants flap.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Well, I might like the coat here. That is warm news indeed. The dress underneath looks reasonable which probably means there's something insane happening in the back that we can't see. Or that all the wrinkling is built in.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Also not as bad as it's ever been. Look at me leading off with the not-entirely-negative statements.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
And that's okay, right? Possibly because it's so simple, and not enamored of its own inventiveness?
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
It's like she went into a Big & Tall store and bought off the rack.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Look, a dot-to-dot game! It makes... hmm. The three-point arc.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
No, actually, it's more of a boob parabola. A paraboloob.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
This lady is a waitress at a bar called Spreadsheets.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
It's an Elvira Wig and a shower cap, married hastily.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
This seriously looks like she was in the middle of wrapping presents and stuck a bunch of spare pieces of tape to her skirt.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Velvet capris? MY EYES.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Keep that coat on. HIDE THE DRESS PONYTAIL.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
SELF-REMOVING PANTS.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
I saw that and thought of Jaime King immediately.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
I sort of hope Martha Stewart finds this.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
They're just so tortured! It's like Boss Women went through the dryer with a glue gun.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
I mean, I like the pants FABRIC, is that enough?
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Someone please send Jerry Seinfeld that shirt and ask him for a sequel to The Puffy Shirt episode.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
See, that looks like a bodysuit's snap-crotch flapping in the wind up by her face. She's also got an arm bag. I'm not impressed, unless that thing WILL work as a purse.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Argh.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
NOOO. EVERYTHING IS WRONG. (Having said that, the sight of this in person was entertaining.)
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
It's... less bad than some... but still made of what they used to stuff and turn into a Beanie Baby.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Zzz.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
I just have a hard time imagining putting these on and feeling beautiful. Like cartoon, yes. But beautiful? To each their own; I would just not be confident.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
These are legit high-fashion tear-aways.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
This has some potential, but the bodice is cut a LITTLE bit too sharply for me?
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
And then a human Jiffy Pop showed up.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Her midsection is a trash bag. Also, she's carrying what looks like a Hefty tarp. If you think it can't get any worse...
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
THAT ACTUALLY MIGHT BE A TRASH BAG. Reader, I laughed.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
This is just so plasticky. Seeing this was a bit like holding up a Payless shoe next to a Louboutin and being like, "Oh, okay, yeah, that's where they cut the price corners."
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Just wrap some fish in this and pop yourself under the broiler for ten minutes and you've got dinner. You might also be dead.
Monse Fall 2016 at New York Fashion Week
Now they're just sucking up to Lord Vader. He won't abide it.