Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

This. Is. Just. Amazing. Ly Bad. It's like Dolly Parton and J.Lo mixed together. Which sounds like a rollicking good time in an elevator, but maybe not on the dance floor. Or any other floor.

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

... I am making my best Tim Gunn Is Extremely Concerned face here.

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

I am seriously confused that I have a brain fog. This can't exist in the world, can it?

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

Donatella is REALLY into this Half-Dress, Half Leash thing.

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

I pulled this because in the thumbnail I thought it was a KNEE WINDOW but in fact it's just a slit and some boots. BORING.

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

I like the shoes. I just don't know why the rest is like the Phantom of the Opera of gowns.

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

Am I hallucinating?

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

This is just random ooze, right?

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

J.Lo vs Lady Gaga for this one, unless Klum gets there first.

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

This will be one of the Junior Versace disciples, like a Victoria Justice.

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

Is this one even DONE?

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

I mean, look, I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope Angelina Jolie would show up somewhere in this. Just for variety.

Versace Fall 2014 Haute Couture

This looks totally sane compared to some of what has come before it. Sometimes the comparative sciences are the best ones.

High Fugshion: Versace Fall Couture 2014

Jennifer Lopez already wore one of these to the show itself, so I left that one out of this sampling -- but don't worry, there is PLENTY MORE INSANITY where that came from, and as usual, I'm expecting Heidi Klum and a bunch of models to wear a lot of them. For the full show, click here. [Photos: Splash]