Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
There is a heavily militaristic theme in the buttons on some of these. And a kind of Urban Stripper Cowgirl motif in the boots.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Is it a coat? A dress? A coat-dress? I guess you can choose your own adventure.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
This is totally unappealing, from the slit to the styling, although something about her collarbone area DOES make her look like a highly decorated soldier.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
"And next, Lindsay Lohan will be skating her short program to selections from the range of U.S. Military marching songs."
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
This is what I call Hoik Style. In the sense that I look at the off-center bodice and the skirt and I just want to hoik it all back into a better place.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
That's fairly all right. And her hair is impressive.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
This looks over the top all together, but I'm enjoying the individual pieces. Actually I enjoy the over-the-top-ness of it, too, but reserve the right to clutch my pearls when Heidi Klum wears it all. Not that she will. It's too little cleav.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
I look at these and all I can hear in my head is a montage of Billy Crystal shouting, "That stupid Roy Rogers WAGON WHEEL COFFEE TABLE," and Carrie Fisher cooing, "I promise I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table."
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Gaga will wear the top half, with panties.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Darth Vader really HAS been all over Fashion Week this year: First Rodarte, then Preen, and now he's cut off this poor girl's arm.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Ugh. The intersection of fabrics on the skirt looks like a warped pie chart.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Sometimes, the coats are all I have. Sniffle.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Never forsake me, coats. Please.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Sorry, Elmo. I like you better this way.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
I want to see a dress that's either ALL the top fabric, or all the bottom. Both together is freaking me out. It makes it look like there's a crotch tab.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Hello, Heidi Klum.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
KLUUUUUM. Though she'll have to rip it away from the likes of J.Lo first.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
... I like the jacket? Man, her fabrics look discount, though.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Did someone say "square dance pajama party"? It seems so.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
It's less crazy in black and gold, but only because that woman is SERVING IT to the camera on a hot platter of sass.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Stockholm Syndrome is why I don't dislike this as much as I expected.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
The epaulets make her shoulders look disastrously sloped, as if the weight of the world -- or of having to be in this show -- weighs heavily upon her.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
The gown is so unflattering to the MODEL. What chance does it have anywhere else? The sash isn't helping.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
This is... one of the best of this bunch, but that might not be saying much; it'll depend entirely upon the eventual wearer, I think.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
Isn't this just a white version of a dress Versace has already made? It reminds me of the orange one Yoanna House wore when she won ANTM, and someone else has worn it since -- maybe more than one person -- and I can't remember who it was, and thus my Google Fu is failing me at figuring out if that TOO is Versace. Anyway.
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
This is just a platter on which to show the necklace, right? It has to be. There's not much else to it, other than being a shorter version of what we just looked at...
Versace - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Autumn/Winter 2014
... so we might as well just go ahead and stare right at the thing. Although this shot exposes that THIS dress isn't flattering EITHER and also that sucker is whacking her right in the womb. Ouch.