Beckham's Debut
Becks at 20! He's like a fetus. Also: those of you who are about my age (Becks is barely older than I am) will surely remember that every dude we went to college with had this hair at some point. The 90s were weird.
Mmm-Bop!
Aw, he's like the lost Hanson! Speaking of the 90s...
Jump...for my love. JUMP IN.
Aw, he's got an INSANE VERTICAL LEAP.
Prithee, my lord, what's the deal with thy coat?
....I don't even know what to say about this coat. He looks like he mugged Jonathan Rhys Meyers coming off the set of The Tudors.
And then this happened.
...I also don't know what to say about a man who let Posh go outside wearing that dress, other than that he looks damn good in a tux and perhaps his own hotness blinded him to....this whole thing she's going on here.
Trump + Bieber = THE HORROR
Behold an intriguing and ultimately FAILED experiment in Bangs Product Technology.
I blame Giselle.
Wow, I seriously blocked out all this terrible hair. Tom Brady, meet your progenitor, headband and all. Posh, WHERE WERE YOU? Were you too busy writing your autobiography(ies) to attend to this? In which case: fine. Those books are good.
Reading is Fundamental.
Ahh, that's better. I will ever overlook the carefully half untucked shirt because he's so cute otherwise. I also vote that people spend more time carrying around books with pictures of themselves on the cover.
Dancing With Myself
Surely Posh thinks of this as, "David's Tiresome Billy Idol Period." And also as, "the middle of David's tremendous shirt-removal period."
FANFIC TIME.
I'd never ever want Posh and Becks to break up -- never mind Helen and Taylor Hackford OR Helen and Russell Brand -- but I could get behind this Power Couple. If only I could go back in time for some rumor-mongering.
Aw.
Muffin!
The kids are pretty cute, too.
Where is my spittoon?!
Admit it: this is somewhat impressive.
Ahoy, mateys.
He spits miles! He shills fish sticks! IS THERE NOTHING GOLDEN BALLS CAN NOT DO?
"And then I was all, STRIPES ARE IN FOR FALL."
He can mesmerize adorable children whilst wearing a coordinated scarf.
Yow
He can join the Rockettes, once the soccer thing fizzles out.
Kick it!
He can talk Wayne Rooney into standing next to a GIANT GIANT BALL with him.
Hello, Lover
He can stand around in his England uniform wearing his Classic Hot Beckham Hair, grinning and looking charming.
Rage. HOT RAGE.
He can sit on the sidelines of the World Cup in a suit, looking dreamy and also ENRAGED, like an angry and upstanding hero in a nighttime soap, who's just learned that someone EVIL has organized a hostile takeover of his oil company, and this sworn to wreck his rewenge.
Royal Wedding Bumpathon
And finally, he can hilariously tote around his top hat so as not to screw up his hair do, whilst adorably touching Posh's baby bump. I kind of love how Posh is all, "Oh, David. You're a delight. Do whatever you want. I'm just going to stand here. My feet are killing me." Happy Birthday, Becks. Don't ever change. Especially please don't ever go back to that Tom Brady do. I can't have two men ruining their hotness like that at the same time. Give a thought for the rest of us, will you?