Jennifer Lopez in Elie Saab
"You might think, lovers, that I am stuck. That I keep coming to the big parties in nude things. with all of the boobs out, and zzzzzzz. But lovers, it is not my problem. It is YOURS. I do it for you. The Sparkly Naked Lopez is the Lopez of your dreams. This is what you know you want. So I am not BORING, lovers. I am DEDICATED. TO YOUR INFATUATION WITH ME."
Luciana Duvall and Robert Duvall
"Look at her, lovers. She is my biggest fan of all. It is sort of sweet how she is copying me, except for how it is sad. No judgment, except for the judgment. I am going to have her thrown in red carpet jail, which means having to listen to the purple-haired girl and her buffoon talk for all of eternity. I almost feel sorry for her, but not really, lovers, because the thunder belongs to The Lopez. DO NOT SHOPLIFT THE THUNDER."
Jennifer Lopez
"You might be wondering why my lips are so pink in all of these pictures. It is because OF MORONS. Sometimes, lovers, I have to let my team fail so they can learn the hard lessons. I also fire them but whatever they should have known better."
Jennifer Lopez in Tom Ford
"This one was a challenge, lovers. A dare. To myself. Is the Lopez fabulous enough to wear a hideous formal sweater with black cobwebs and the illusion of pubic hair and stupid formal boot-sock nonsense? Could I cloak myself in hideousness and still be the flower of your soul garden? The answer is yes lovers don't look just know that it is true I SAID DON'T LOOK DO YOU NOT TRUST ME AT ALL WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP IS THIS."