Julie Gonzalo

May I be frank? This thing is a hot mess. Actually, it's a hot mess that's only even remotely WARM because it got nuked on high for five minutes in a microwave.

The launch party for Channel Five's 'Dallas'

I like the idea of the bottom half of the skirt, but that's it. The bra as a design element is bad enough, but she further picked one of those major push-up bras (which I wear too, girl, so I feel you) whose underwire sits exceptionally low, and therefore looks super strange. Also, can we just discuss that designing something whose aesthetics depend ENTIRELY on the undergarment choice of the wearer is SO FREAKING LAZY.

Julie Gonzalo

But to add insult to injury, the shirt doesn't even tuck in properly to that hellstorm of a skirt. It's all baggy and blousy in strange areas, and the collar is so pleatherette-looking that it practically needs blotting papers. At least her eye makeup looks cool; also, frankly, I'd love it if someone would wear something this wackenfrack on Dallas. PLEASE GOD. BRING THE NUTTERY.

Julie Fugzalo

It seems crazy to us that the UK is only just getting in on the juicy Dallas remake. I got addicted to the original over there, weaned on Pam and Bobby and Jenna and of course J.R. Ewing and Sue Ellen and the blonde infant he married who also turned up on 90210 as a "hapless" tour guide who ends up scamming Steve... Good times. Anyway, better late than never. And clearly, Julie Gonzalo wants Britain to know that she's more than just sweatpants and turtlenecks and tears, because she's wearing pretty much the EXACT OPPOSITE of that. Well, except for the tears. This certainly made me want to shed a few. [Photos: Splash]