2004

In Katy's career trajectory, here she was newly living in L.A. and writing songs on her first record deal, struggling through some false starts, and dropping her birth name "Katheryn Hudson" so that she wouldn't get confusd with Kate Hudson. She seems so dazed by it all.

2004

The satin and the tall boots feel absolutely of this era. 

2006

Katy really had a predilection for bad dresses that didn't support her chest that well. Eventually that changes. But we are still a year away from "I Kissed A Girl" breaking out. Long road ahead for Katy.

2006

See? This is crying out in anguish for a hoik.

2006

But this is so perfect. Also this was the Nintendo Wii launch -- a thing they don't even make anymore. 

2007

She did have a hoiking allergy, didn't she? Also, she has a type. Because if that dude is her date, he looks like a combination of Russell Brand (whom she later married) and John Mayer (whom she later dated).

2008

Katy also has always borne a resemblance to Zooey Deschanel, especially in her early days, when she leaned on a similar retro Modcloth style. So how apt that she is at Erin Fetherston here, a line beloved by Zooey (we once saw a Fetherston show that Zooey opened by singing "Dream a Little Dream of Me"). This is all very Kentucky Derby Lite.

2008

Listen, if all those straps are what it takes to avoid the needs-a-hoik problem...

2008

That feels like it inspired The Carrie Diaries.

2008

She's at a casino opening here. Her commitment to a theme, as I said, really is so pure.

2008

"Oh, God, why. If it's a romper I CAN'T hoik it without doing internal damage."

2008

Cheeky, Katy. On several levels.

2008

The face she is making is the one I made when I saw that backdrop, and remembered Kira Plastinina was a brand that once was popular.

2008

I mean, she wears these with confidence, but they seem like so much WORK.

2008

"Hello. I'm Vegas Zooey Deschanel."

2008

This outfit says, "Sometimes I want my clothes to make sense."

2008

And this outfit says, "I stabbed myself with a fabric ruler."

2008

"You don't know WHERE to look NOW."

2008

This is very pretty and understated. Also possibly sitting a hair low, but I'll take it.

2009

And again. This veers a bit Maid of Honor, and sits a bit low, but it was an interesting vacation from high camp.

2009

That is actively piercing her boob, I think, in addition to its case of gangrene.

2009

Remember when Miley glued a bunch of shit to her clothes and acted like she'd had a design epiphany? This shirt came first.

2009

This is really very Joan of Arcxena, Warrior Princess. It looks great on her, but it IS a chain mail loincloth.

2009

I think the Muppets deserved better.

2009

KP: Hi, Karl.

KL: Hello, Zooey.

KP: No, it's--

KL: I have seen your programme. Who is that girl? Is it Jess? I must know.

KP: I suppose? But that's not me.

KL: Nonsense. Self-belief is what makes dolphins real. LEAP.

KP: I... sure.

2009

"If this photo gets back to Karl, tell him it's of Zooey Deschanel."

2009

GASP. A Pink Lady without her T-Bird?!?

2009

A Pink Lady stuck in a rut?!? ... Well, yes, actually, that tracks.

2009

This is extremely cute. The shoe is too bland-colored, but you know. In 2009 we didn't bitch about this as much.

2009

They are wrong HERE, too. Don't give your pelvic peacock the wrong footwear, Katheryn.

2009

It is either a measure of growth, or capitulation, that this does not give me the fits it did in 2009.

2009

There is a LOT happening with this tight satin suit. 

2009

It's not her worst, not her best.

2010

Do not let the bangs distract you from that totally superfluous peek of sideboob.

2009

SPEAKING OF BOOB. 

2010

Her boobs looks super in this. I actually like it a lot, and just want another crack at the head-styling.

2010

We saw this during the recent Kids' Choice Awards retrospective, but it seemed egregious to omit it here.

2010

I generally ignored Coachella in this retrospective, but I HAD TO include this HELLSACK of a garment.

2009

This was at the "Model as Muse" Met Gala, so I assume she just... liked it and wanted to wear it? She actually looks very good in it, and I don't typically respond to threatening neckwear.

2009

"Why, thank you. I made it myself. I learned to sew ten minutes ago."

2010

This was at the launch party for her perfume, which was called Purr, and I suppose we should be grateful she didn't just arrive dressed as a cat.

2010

The Letterman Dumpster and I both love those shoes, and have concerns that she will not be comfortable sitting on TV in that microskirt.

2010

Well, whatever you do, Katy, don't pick at them and TRY not to pop them.

2010

Katy Perry and a British brand called Cute Circuit did the light-up Met Gala dress first, and don't you forget it. Lights off...

2010

... lights on. It wasn't as memorable as Zac Posen's dress for Claire Danes, I guess, but it did get there.

2010

I assume we chose this pic at the time so we could admire the shoes, and potentially also the fact that both are wearing sheer elements.

2010

The dress is a sexy glue accident, but I have to give her massive credit for wearing blue hair so well.

2010

How did she change her manicure DURING the show? Decals? A REALLY fast nail artist?

2010

This flag dress didn't quite take off as much as it did for Ginger Spice.

2010

Much. Yes. This dress IS Much.

2010

She looks SO charmingly happy here, with her multi-colored hair. It grieves me that her dress looks drawn on with a Sharpie.

2010

She should pull this out now and see if the suggestion works.

2010

I assume that's a Jeremy Scott and/or Moschino creation.

2010

Did this NEED the shoulder pads on her chest?

2010

Not Halloween.

2010

Definitely not the worst or dumbest thing anyone's worn to a VS Fashion Show.

2011

Honestly, THAT feels like a top she should have been given by the VS people. It's like a gigantic BeDazzled Second Skin Satin bra, tied to an iridescent tarp.

2011

What a scrolldown, from that smile to the drab weird dress.

2011

I laughed out loud at this.

2011

I mean, OBVIOUSLY she was ging to do this. The only other choice was painting her own skin blue.

2011

Again, this is a person whose face can work with just about any hair color in the world.

2011

"They told me I could send a body double to this. They lied."

2011

Doesn't fit, exactly, but... could be worse?

2011

I love this bob on her. I believe this was near the end for them, and their facial expressions during this appearance were very, "JUST GET THROUGH IT."

2011

"SURPRISE! I'M THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR CHURCH SOCIAL COMMITTEE NOW!"

2012

I actually rather like this, too, although -- wait, it's a LITTLE "Hey, look at every contour of my boobs," so maybe I talked myself out of this.

2012

I like this much better.

2012

This obviously never should have happened to any human.

2012

But that's peppy.

2012

She had the blues. ZING.

2012

But here she has WAY too many shades of everything happening, all at once.

2012

"HELLO I AM A MY LITTLE PONY NOW."

2012

It IS true that when you are the Much Music Video Awards, and therefore "MUCH" is right there in the title, you're going to continue to get what you asked for.

2012

"I'm not saying that I'm learning witchcraft, but I'm not NOT saying it."

2012

She looks charming here, and as if she was going through a Dita Von Teese phase.

2012

Again: Not Halloween. And not a costume party.

2012

It was dark days here.

2012

"Hi everyone! I keep washing my dress, and it keeps unraveling up on me, like cutoffs. Oops!"

2012

"Yeah, guys, this one makes me want to vom, too. I don't know what I was doing."

2012

This is SO lovely.

2012

"I was doing capes before you thought it was cute, Fug Girls. Did I get credit? DOUBTFUL."

2012

The boob smoosh here is excruciting.

2013

This is Kacey Musgraves before Kacey Musgraves was Kacey Musgraves.

2013

That's perfect for the venue. Approved.

2013

Smurfy!

2013

Smurfy II: The Smurfening.

2013

That's funky, too.

2013

This was from the Punk year, and she must have been so annoyed years later when they came up with the Catholic theme and she realized she'd already done it.

2013

This is where Golden Snitches go to die.

2013

Lovely, but I see those putty shoes down there, Katy. I see them and I feel the stab of pain.

2013

This is on of my favorite things she's EVER worn.

2013

This is not -- the skirt looks like she just built in a sanitary liner -- but those shoes are perfection.

2013

This is like feathers without the feathers, which I can appreciate, though it doesn't fit.

2013

We're back to needing a WEE hoik.

2013

Why is she dressed as Blair Waldorf?

2013

Pink animal print feels way more on-brand for her than a kilt.

2014

No. Just no.

2014

"Oh, God, I don't know -- because it was handed to me and it fit? Why would ANYONE choose gold lace separates?"

2014

I wanted to like this so much, but it just looks terribly messy.

2014

And that's terribly couchy.

2014

Honestly, this ALSO has a Kacey Musgraves vibe. Did Kacey have a Katy Pinterest board?

2014

This is her and Riff Raff's VMAs homage to Britney and Justin, and it is divine. It's SO funny. 

2014

I can live with it?

2014

I CANNOT LIVE WITH IT.

2014

This feels like she just wandered back to the party after making a drunken pass at a younger man.

2014

Great. Now I'm hungry. You also need to know she can zip that over her face, if she'd like.

2014

Light bounces through prisms, light bounces through this dress... I guess that's the idea?

2015

Well, look, she was performing at the Super Bowl, so OF COURSE Katy Perry was going to find a football dress. And not just one made of jerseys. No. That's too easy.

2015

Fashion shower shoes never caught on (right?!?), and we are all the better for it.

2015

If Tiffany's made Rogaine.

2015

Around this time, I remember the fashion world making a big deal out of her changing stylists and trying to go for a more classic look. This was a nice try, but it's too tight and I think the hairpiece in the back is too tall, and... I see where they were going, but Katy has a natural exuberance that this just tamps down.

2015

Those shoes are a nightmare.

2015

The Met Gala really is perfect for her. Whether it's good or it's bad, it clearly excites her desire to go as costumey as possible.

2015

This was beyond. She looks like a smashed elder socialite.

2015

She can carry this hair color, but I do think it's the one that makes her stand out the least.

2015

Boring. Sorry, Jeremy.

2016

If you had told me she wore this to cover Madonna's "Like a Prayer," I would have believed it.

2016

I look at that and think, "Itchy."

2016

Jeelva the Ruiner snapped her fingers ten minutes later and went to find a planet with tastier-looking people.

2016

SERIOUSLY.

2016

I have grown to love this. Maybe I already did. But it's DIVINELY dramatic. This woman runs past you in a perfume ad, laughs at you, and leaves a trail of rose petals, one by one, as she vanishes into the setting sun.

2016

Well, an attempt was made.

2016

Maybe she was inspired to come AS a snowflake?

2017

I can hang with this!

2017

Chanel can be so, so terrible.

2018

"Hey, guys, is anyone here playing the role of Paris Hilton as a socialite aviatrix? Can I do it?"

2017

"I got bored and cut my skirt up in the limo. I feel so free!"

2017

That looks like a ceremonial adornment from a funeral she stumbled on during a vacation.

2017

I will never, ever stop laughing at this. The whole thing is a visual fug feast.

2017

Wait, is this ANOTHER outfit where she has shoes tied around the outside of pants? 

2017

This is the Rei Kawakubo year, which Katy co-hosted, and this is... comically terrible. She looked miserable in it, as if she couldn't see, couldn't breathe. 

2017

Is this why Kanye West thought people would want to buy shapewear as outerwear?

2017

Katy co-hosted the VMAs this year, too, and I have decided it was deliberate synergy that she wore an outfit with Moon Men all over it -- the VMA statue.

2017

I like this on her -- it's sculptural and weird and dramatic and flattering.

2017

THIS was confirmed to be gigantic pants.

2017

Katy also is a sucker for anything shiny, which endears her to me.

2017

I do like this one though.

2018

I dug this then, I dig it now.

2018

Fly, Katy. FLY.

2018

Instead, she sank.

2019

I can't say I think this looks great on her, but I do want to touch that skirt.

2018

I am getting light Brigitte Nielsen vibes.

2018

WHO COULD FORGET.

2018

Katy, when are you going to stop doing this with your sandal straps? Your pants aren't getting away. Don't arrest them.

2019

Now we're into the stuff that comprised her Fug Madness 2020 run. Like these inexplicably split shoulders.

2019

And this... whatever this is.

2019

And a picnicking outfit!

2019

And her Real Housewives audition outfit.

2019

And this hilarious purple confection that has secretly ENORMUS sleeves under that overtly ENORMOUS coat!

2019

Truly, she committed to colors and extreme layering this year.

2019

Ditto.

2019

There was also that time she looked more like Lauren Conrad!

2019

And then took $50 to read your fortune, made it up, and then ran off with the stuffed dog you won at the carnival!

2019

Yes, Katy, I DO kind of want to hug you.

2019

This looked so uncomfortable. She truly was all in at yet another Met Gala.

2019

ALL IN, I tell you.

2019

That's a bit Disney for me.

2019

Same. It's like if Minnie Mouse had a human cousin.

2019

Oooh, good pattern.

2019

That top MIGHT be molding.

2019

She isn't sincere about that beret. We both know it.

2020

Here, she was hiding her nascent pregnancy...

Katy Perry

And here, she was hanging in there and giving one last concert for Australia before going into isolation. It's an apt final image to have of her -- well, until Idol started -- because it's BRIGHT and it's big. I look forward to welcoming her back to the red carpet with whatever wackitude wishes to bring. Someday.

Hop Into The Katy Perry Wayback Machine With Me

For no good reason.