2001: Jessica Simpson

This is how I plan to emerge from quarantine: spray-painted denim and some serious abs, like a sexy post-apocalyptic overlord who thinks she's reinvented clothes.

2001: Destiny's Child

You know... I'm starting to think none of those merit badges were actually EARNED.

2001: Halle Berry

It's the cuffs where she really loses me

2001: Sisqo

Sisqo, please give Shaq back his pajamas.

2001: Jessica Alba

This is SO "I'm working at the Student Activities sign-up booth after class."

2001: Mila Kunis

So many zippers. What if she gets confused about which ones do what?

2001: Barry Watson

He looks a mess, and also as if he's trying to go all Single White Female on Timothy Olyphant, but with a bad showerhead.

2001: Amanda Bynes

Aw.

2002: Melanie Griffith, Antonio Banderas, Alexa Vega

Antonio and Alexa were in Spy Kids together. And yes, the only reason I downloaded this was to show you Dakota Johnson there on the left. I am sure the wind took her hair, but in my mind, she's doing that thing where she takes a strand and uses her nose to pin it above her top lip and then pretend she has a mustache. A TRIED AND TRUE technique for amusing th beans when they were babies, and, let's be real, probably also now.

2002: Hilary Duff

How many spare pencils did she think she was going to NEED today?

2002

Real talk: Hilary and Haylie could re-wear these at Coachella and fit in.

2002: Ashanti

This might be one of the most reasonable things she's ever worn. Bet you didn't expect THAT sentence in this slideshow.

2002: 3LW

So, 3LW is a girl group that included Adrienne Bailon (center) and Naturi Naughton on the left (who went on to be in Mad Men and others). I didn't remember them. Kiely Williams, who formed another group with Adrienne after this one broke up, is on the right and got the worst of the outfits. That thing took some real concerted effort to concoct.

2002: The Rock

Mmm.

2002: Jhene

Jhene grew up to be Jhene Aiko -- well, she always was, but she later recorded music under her full name -- and she, too, has fallen prey to belting her butt.

2002: Jennifer Love Hewitt

We are REALLY being reminded of the sawn-off waistbands in this week's flashback slideshows. 

2002: Jessica Alba

I assume she and J.Lo.Hew were ENRAGED to have shown up as each other's stunt doubles.

2003: J.Lo.Hew

This looks less like an intentional cut than, "I had to chop out my hair extensions temporarily."

2003: Kelly Rowland

This outfit is barely one step above Mannquin at Forever 21.

2003: Hilary Duff

HILARY DO NOT PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS. PUBIC BONES CAN BE PRIVATE.

2003: Justin Timberlake

Oh my God. No. He looks like a parody cologne namd Douchebro.

2003: Britney

Is this... a repurposed apron?

2003: Kaley Cuoco

She cropped that pink top herself and you cannot convince me otherwise.

2003: Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini

I went to that finale taping and voted the SHIT out of it for Kelly later. I want to go back in time and tell these sweet children that From Justin to Kelly will not be their ruin

2003: Christina Milian

I guess slicing off part of your pants DOES make room for cold chains across your hips.

2003: Cameron, Drew, and Lucy Liu

What. A. Melange.

The Kids' Choice Awards: Faceplanting Into the Aughts

With a child of Simpson, children of Destiny, and a pair of Duffs.