Al Pacino

Seriously, I think that is a follicular mushroom cloud. Turns out if you want to nuke someone, a shady government-type sticks a key in Al's ear and turns his nose.

Penn Badgley

I can't even. I think there is a tiny emo band living in his hair. It writes songs about being in a sad love triangle with Brylcreem and Dep and how sometimes they only want to get with each other and it all feels so pointless, man.

Brad Pitt

Well... we're GETTING THERE, anyway.

Ron F'ing Swanson

I know it's within Nick Offerman's rights to want to avoid shaving, so that when he has to go back to sporting Ron F'ing Swanson's robust lip shrubbery, he is not frustrated and bored. But it's so jarring to see that magnificent bastard with Kris Kringle face. I want the man who invented the recipe for A Hamburger ("Grill the meat then put it on a bun. Eat it with your mouth, so that it goes into your belly. Repeat"), or the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness (he's right, buffets DO go above both 'teamwork' and 'greatness itself.' Although I don't understand why Old Wooden Sailing Ships are on the same line as the reviled skim milk), to look every inch the selectively hairy beast-man he always does. Regardless of -- SPOILER, maybe, sort of -- how singed he got in the season finale.

Ashton Kutcher

He DOES know Two and a Half Men does not refer to Jesus' relationship with some of his disciples, right?

Zachary Quinto

Whatever his hair just saw, it scared the HELL out of it.

Alec Baldwin

My philosophy about Baldwin echoes my opinion about Nick Offerman: Jack Donaghy need never look like Santa.

Sean Hayes

And what is Sean Hayes up to -- running the Art Garfunkel fan club? ... Just kidding, he's in costume for the Three Stooges movie, and I just threw him in here because it's amusing. Until I saw his name, I couldn't tell who it was.

Chloe Sevigny

Also, I realize the Sev here is not a man. But her hair is seriously freaking me out. It looks like someone cut it with a turkey carving knife. She has two ways to go here: wig, or stuff her mouth with Stove Top and a sliced onion and slather mashed sweet potatoes on her face. Seriously. There is NO middle-ground. It is only Thanksgiving Face or wig.

Man Fugs: Somebody's Head-Suit Needs Dry-Cleaning...

Around the time of Fug Madness, when Jessica and I were considering the seedings, we almost did a mini-tournament on the side just about horrible dude hair. It was rampant. (Then sanity prevailed and we realized we couldn't possibly do that without our heads exploding and our freshly spritzed grey matter making our spacebars stick.) But recently, now that most shows are on hiatus, we've had a run of bad coifs that began with the atrocities Brad Pitt has committed upon himself this year, picked up again with the otherwise-adorable Zachary Levi's nohawk and Peter Krause's I Can't Believe They're Not Clip-In Bangs, and continues apace with such luminaries (or loon-inaries) as Penn Badgley, The Kutch, STILL Brad Pitt, and Ron F'ing Swanson. Leading the pack? Good old Al Pacino, who apparently never met a hand-dryer into which he did not try to jam his face. [Photos: Getty, Flynet, Splash]