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Marion Cotillard

BERLIN, GERMANY - DECEMBER 01: Marion Cotillard attends the 'Assassin's Creed' Berlin Photocall at Cafe Moskau on December 1, 2016 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Clemens Bilan/Getty Images)

The dress is by Martin Grant, and the jacket is from something called "Facetasm" that sounds like a combination of "Face Time" and "orgasm," which I guess is what long-distance couples say when it's time for some virtual Nevermind. This whole thing looks like it came out of a really, really bad high school costume closet. "The mourners in Our Town have never looked so anachronistic," said the review in the Herbert Hoover High School Daily Depression.

Marion Cotillard

BERLIN, GERMANY - DECEMBER 01: Marion Cotillard attends the 'Assassin's Creed' Berlin Photocall at Cafe Moskau on December 1, 2016 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Clemens Bilan/Getty Images)

I'm glad she's happy but the Jethro Tull Middle School performance of Oliver should at least have cut out the zipper.

Fassy & the Cot

BERLIN, GERMANY - DECEMBER 01: Michael Fassbender (L) and Marion Cotillard attend the 'Assassin's Creed' Berlin Photocall at Cafe Moskau on December 1, 2016 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Clemens Bilan/Getty Images)

Does it have to be frayed AND tied together? I'm seriously concerned someone did this with their teeth.

Marion Cotillard

BERLIN, GERMANY - DECEMBER 01: Marion Cotillard attends the 'Assassin's Creed' Berlin Photocall at Cafe Moskau on December 1, 2016 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Clemens Bilan/Getty Images)

Are her housekeys supposed to be hanging from those?

Marion Cotillard's Jacket of Doom
Not that the rest of the outfit is a picnic, either.

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