Lee Majors and Markie Post, 1984
So, that blouse isn't great. It's FINE. It's the work of a woman whom the Old West has consigned to running a house of ill repute that also makes its own moonshine. I look at it and think, "She can do better." Markie clearly thought the same, but meant it an ENTIRELY different way. Behold:
1987
Three years later, IT'S BACK AND IT'S GOT SATIN STRETCH KNICKERS. How did this photo get lost to the sands of time? It is AMAZING. Markie Post, you are found GUILTY in the Night Court of Fuggery, and I thank you for your work.
with husband Michael Ross, in 1986
This is basically a figure skating costume with its own cape. It's funny -- he looks dated and yet if someone wore that now we would be like, "Oooh, snazzy!"
1986
TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS.
1988
This was at the CMAs, which they held this year at Knott's Berry Farm, which is a small amusement park in Anaheim. If Julianne Hough had been a thing in 1988, this might have been her.
with Catherine Bach, 1986
This is what she wore two years prior at the smae event. Same neckline, same Dolly Xtra-Lite aura.
1986
Markie sincerely LOVES that neckline. And also lace. So much lace. She is not at her own third wedding, but it would surely have worked there.
1990
Okay, technically this is not the 80s, but: I had to pull it because it may solve the riddle of why she loves that other style so much. It keeps the dress up. She is in terrible danger of losing it here.
1985
Markie loved this lavender fur, and apparently really was fond of wearing it to parades. She wore it to the Beverly Hills Christmas Parade this year...
1986
... and then a few months later, popped it on for the St. Patrick's Day parade. She clearly never met a float she didn't love. It's really appealingly frugal of her, too, to repeat the coat. She lives in LA! How many big coats do any of us there need?
1986
Somehow, at breakfast, she lost the coat and acquired the sweater -- green for St. Patrick's Day, I assume. This looks like a totally normal and good choice...
UNTIL THE SWERVE. We started with one, and we are ending with one, and I hope you don't need to ice your neck from the whiplash.