Jessica Chastain in custom Balmain

Let's start by looking at them each individually. She looks FINE in this -- she's Jessica Chastain, after all -- but this whole concept is a bit silly to me. Maybe it's supposed to be cheeky, but it does look like as soon as she left the watchful eye of her mother, she yanked her neckline down under her boobs.

SWINTON in Gaultier

Only SWINTON would have a designer lab coat.

SWINTIN and Xavier Swinton Byrne

She attended with her son, who looks striking indeed in his full Scottish regalia. He works in props, which I did not know until today. LEARNING!

Isabelle Huppert in Balenciaga

Back when she wore Armani, she looked like a no-nonsense executive whose episode notes made you quiver in fear. Now that she's fully on the Balenciaga train, she really is leaning into Disgruntled Sorceress.

Two of them are half-smiling and SWINTON is staring at the crowd with laser purpose. She has found her next test subject.

Jessica Chastain in Armani

I would not have pegged this as Armani. It feels like one of the lesser Elie Saabs, like something they threw into a runway show just to bring up the numbers. I guess it might also be that for Armani. This feels like something they would have sent to Dolly Parton.

SWINTON in Chanel

This was a swerve I didn't expect. She looks nice in this -- I don't think the dress has a lot to say, but she's giving SWINTON and it helps a lot. What would her version of Carte Blanchett be?

Isabelle Huppert

I don't have a credit for this; I assume it's Balenciaga again? Personally, I think no one should claim it.

Dee Rees

Ooh, nifty coat. It's like a swobe, but GLAM.

Alexander Skarsgard

He is posing like he's afraid he's going to tip over.

Mads Mikkelsen

I like to imagine that this is Mads's casualwear.

Mads Mikkelsen

But never fear, his tux is here. Also, he has some Grey Poupon, if you need it.

Joel Edgerton

Joel is SCANDALIZED by the potential presence of mustard.

A Witch, a Scientist, and a Prom Queen Walk Into a Bar...

... and I would watch that movie.