Beyonce in Philipp Plein

I mean, Lil' Kim would surely have made this a mini. But the comparison really lies in the overall unsophisticated mien. The overly blond side-ponytail, that exact cleavage, the fur, the Jackie Collins vibe... It still amazes me that for as famous as Beyonce is, she never does anything interesting with her clothes. It always feels dated. She and Jennifer Lawrence should go out out to dinner and toast the fact that people seem to blame their lack of great style sense on other people (Dior, and Tina Knowles).

Beyonce

"OMG this fur cape totally distracts you from my frontal wedgie, right?!? ... Right? Please?"

Beyonce and Nicki Minaj

This looks like an EXTREMELY specific slumber party.

Nicki Minaj

Other than shirtless Rick Ross, the on-stage portion of this event seems to have been all heavily clothed dudes, and then two women with a mandate to show at least 70 percent buttock. Here is one...

Beyone and Jay Z

... and here is the other. Like, this onesie from front to back was a bad, chafe-y piece of erogenous floss.

Meh: Beyonce (with guest Nicki Minaj) in Philipp Plein

A Beyonce sighting is kind of like spotting a unicorn. So it's a shame that when she DID finally leave the house, she did it looking like Lil' Kim's SLIGHTLY more subtle baby sister. [Photos: Getty]