Rita Ora

There is the germ of a nice dress in there, I think, but then it got drunk and threw up its tulle dinner. And what is that arm ribbon? I refuse to count that as a bracelet. It's more like bondage. As are the shoes. This would almost have been more fitting for LAST year, because at least all the lacing and stuff feels like an amusingly ladylike spin on punk.

Rita Ora

Anatomy of a red-carpet pic: The lady must arrange her dressings so that her thighs are exposed to their maximum.

Rita Ora

Then she changed into this droopy little camisole which actually might be A ROMPER now that I look at it, which would explain why she seems confident no bits are going to fall out. Oy, Rita. I actually enjoy her whenever I hear her interviewed, and I think Donna Karan could be an interesting fit for her, but on this night the whole enterprise just fell flat.

Met Ball Feh Carpet: Rita Ora in Donna Karan

I hate to repeat what I said on Twitter, but I know not everyone reads it, and what I wrote there is still the first thing I think. Which is: Rita always poses like the manufacturer forgot to level her when she was made. [Photos: Getty]