Naomi Watts

I almost didn't put Naomi in this slideshow, but then... apparently I did. It's flesh-colored in the sense that the sleeves are transparent so that they are the color of HER flesh, so there's that. All those sparkles are metallic. And the skirt... I can't tell if i'm seeing through it or not. Her head looks fabulous -- and, if I'm not mistaken, kind of Olsen-esque, like their classy older sister -- but that white thing seems like a very cheap old-school bathing costume and/or body-shaper, which someone has tried to dress up by cinching it and sprinkling it like a cupcake. I do not think it worked.

Maggie Q

This is beautiful. I really think it's stunning on Maggie. Like everything, I wish it were a color, but honestly I don't mind it in nude -- it's romantic, it's graceful, it's stunningly made, and I would not kick it out of bed for being beige.

Salma Hayek

Sure! I mean, it IS Salma Hayek. That body is so hard to deny.

Kristen Bell

The tassels aren't my favorite adornment in the world; I'm afraid that if I ring them, her fiance Dax Shepherd will cartwheel out and start breakdancing. But she still look spretty, and it fits, it's not pinching anything, her styling is restrained... I'm not mad at her. I hate it when we fight.

Elizabeth Banks

The orange lipstick is an unusual choice with this gown. The dress is really a bit cookie-cutter, but again: She carries it, AND she's got a tiny baby at home, so the fact that she's upright, awake, and not covered in vomit is deeply impressive.

Claire Danes

This seems even safer than Kristen's and Elizabeth's were. Then again, if there were a province called Gorgeous But Safe, Claire Danes would be its ruler.

Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba is very pregnant, and I think this is a nice look for her -- it must be so freeing to go to these things when you don't have to wear Spanx or suck in your gut or go on some disordered juice fast or cut out carbs or blah blah blah. She looks comfortable and very happy, and it elevates the look beyond fancy cellophane and into something almost regal.

God, why am I being so nice? I must be tired.

Met Ball Fug and Fab Carpet: Goldly Played, Fleshily Played, and mostly, Well Played

Holy God, STILL SO MANY MORE PEOPLE. A lot of these ladies ran together for me, what with the shiny gold and the nude and the shiny nude. Until ten minutes ago I forgot Claire Danes even attended. They all worked their like-minded color scheme with varying degrees of success, but this was definitely a predominant theme of the night (including Gwynnie and SJP and even Taylor Swift and a couple others), so let's glare at them together all at once and see who stands up to the pressure and who melts like butter on Jon Hamm's back.