"Schiaparelli And Prada: Impossible Conversations" Costume Institute Gala

Okay. I admit I picked this particular shot because I love the PR girl in the background hitching up her dress. We've all been that girl. Also, Gywnnie? THAT'S AN APRON.

"Schiaparelli And Prada: Impossible Conversations" Costume Institute Gala

I mean, her face looks great. But Lefty there is considering making a run for it.

"Schiaparelli And Prada: Impossible Conversations" Costume Institute Gala

Like, do we need this much information about Gwyneth's boobs? Also: I kind of can't with those pockets. They look like a craft project. They look like a clutch purse made in arts and crafts that inadvertently got glued to her dress.

"Schiaparelli And Prada: Impossible Conversations" Costume Institute Gala

In fact, a LOT of this dress looks glue-gunned together. On the other hand, I would send Vogue five crisp dollars if they'd sponsor an event called Hot Glue: The Guns of Fashion and the Juxtaposition of Crafts and Fashion. The outfits would be AMAZING. And, hey, I hear circulation is down -- I bet they can use the money.

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Gywneth Paltrow

On our twitter, Fug National @NicNarrates said that Gywnnie here looks like she's "going to the gyno...in space." Which is so apt, and so funny, that I wish I had thought of it myself. Because SHE DOES. Although I don't know about you, but I try to keep my side-boob wrangled at the gyno. At least until it's time for my side-boob exam. [Photos: Getty]