Coco Rocha in Emanuel Ungaro
Coco just always manages to look like she's having a good time with a theme. I can't pretend I get it, and I might be a little frightened of it in a Silence of the Lambs poster/Tawny Kitaen/Cankletown boot vendor kind of way, but her working the hell out of it is making me so happy.
Heidi Klum in Marchesa
I mean... it's BETTER, but is she getting married in it or what? Unless this is some kind of ode to the popular union of crazy-haired rockers to lovely models, I'm out.
Lily Cole in Vivienne Westwood
I mean, I suppose this is Vivienne Westwood's exact niche outside of Helena Bonham Carter's closet, so I will shelve all the things I would say about this if she wore it anyplace else.
Constance Jablonski in Wes Gordon
... you know what, it's insane, and it's the Velveeta Cheesy Skillet dude's S&M chamber dream, but it's also fairly imaginative for the theme so let's just go with it and high-five her.
Brooklyn Decker in Peter Pilotto
I almost don't recognize her anymore on first viewing, but I have to say, I mostly like this. The high-fashion flea collar around her knees isn't ideal for me, but the dress itself is neat, and I say that fully aware that it appears to be 5 percent tube top.
Miranda Kerr in Michael Kors
Whereas THIS dress is about 40 percent tube top and I am way less interested in it.
Karen Elson in Julien Macdonald
Love. SO pretty. Unless I'm just being seduced by the sparkles, although I am open to that seduction.
Carolyn Murphy in Nina Ricci
Ill-fitting granny booty shorts boudoir nightmare word vomit.
Anja Rubik in Anthony Vaccarello
Seriously, MAYBE this is punk, but I just look at it and think it's like if Michael Jackson from the '80s mated with the curtain in a fortune-teller's lobby.
Joan Smalls in Tom Ford
OVER IT. Also, is this really what Tom Ford felt like showcasing on this night? Something that's both stale AND a weak echo of things everyone else has already worn a million times? AND CAN WE NOT WITH THE OMBRE HAIR? This post has been brought to you by sleep deprivation.
Rosie Huntington Whiteley in Gucci
... I guess vests are coming back?
Chanel Iman in J.Mendel
This SEEMS like it might be really beautiful, but me stressing out over people's low-rider strapless dresses is ALSO a trend I'd like to see go away.
Elettra Wiedemann in Prabal Gurung
I have no idea if she's a model, but she HAS modeled, and she's the daughter of a model (Isabella Rosselini), so... whatever. This is the exact color scheme of Coco Rocha's Liz Taylor pantsuit from last year, and is another dress I feel had its place back then instead of today. I appreciate the attempt at something big and eye-catching, but it's like Prabal accidentally picked up last year's invitation without checking the date.
Jessica Hart
This is actually borrowed from the 2033 Met Ball, which will be an ode to Coachella.
Karlie Kloss in Louis Vuitton
And this is borrowed from a weird Fleetwood Mac tribute where Stevie Nicks sings every song in Baz Luhrmann's Gatsby remake.
Cara Delevigne in Thakoon
I would have guessed this was Burberry, because it looks like a cousin to Anne Hathaway's awesome BAFTAs gown. I LOVE IT.
Doutzen Kroes in Theyskeins' Theory
I have severe doutzens about what this is doing in the area of her kroes.
Stella Tennant
It's... SWINTON-lite.
Kate Upton in DVF
Zzz. She is very pretty, and she's got consecutive SI swimsuit covers, but somehow I feel like -- in Mean Girls speak -- fetch just isn't happening here.