Olivia Rodrigo in Saint Laurent

I hope she got to ride a freight elevator with a hot man, during which time they broke into lustful song. Otherwise, this outfit leaves me cold. I GUESS it reminds me of Madonna's lace glove phase? I suppose one could argue it's Everything We've Seen On American (And Other) Red Carpets In The Last Decade, but yawn. Saint Laurent has cooler ideas than this.

We're gonna need a bigger hedge.

Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of In America: A Lexicon of Fashion, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 13 Sep 2021

I also do not think the edgy eye makeup did her any favors at all. Y'all don't HAVE to do crazy things with liner and shadow at the Met. It isn't mandatory.

Grimes in Iris Van Herpen

Meanwhile Grimes brought A SWORD. How long do you think she got to carry that around before security carried it away and locked it in a vault? This event is NOT insured for accidental slashing. Although you would absolutely get to the head of the bathroom line if you casually had that in your hand.

She had an alternate stance. Also, for one heady moment I thought this was January Jones and THAT would have been an instant classic.

I wanted to show you how wacky this is, but it's also terrifying me. I can't even look directly at it. Grimes is dressed as my phobia.

Winnie Harlow in Iris van Herpen

It's a sheer catsuit. But it's a well-made sheer catsuit, she looks fab in it, and it's nifty because you can't even completely tell if you're seeing anything untoward.

Taylor Hill in Versace

Donatella dressed a lot of people for this event, including herself, and I feel like she ran out of steam in the middle of making this.

Julia Garner in Stella McCartney

I saw this and the sound "bleh" escaped my lips as I sighed, so I'm going with that. They had better get that Madonna movie going, because I cannot imagine anyone who'd play Madonna from the "Papa Don't Preach" years better than Julia Garner. (I'm sure she can do the rest, too, but LOOK AT HER. She's in trouble deep, but she made up her mind, she's keeping her baby.)

Ella Emhoff in Stella

This is not even THAT sheer but it's kind of the companion piece to Julia's, so here you go. She's dressed like she's in a really flashy dance crew and I'm sad that is not the case.

Unless you know from the dress who this is... who, indeed, WOULD you think this is? Answer next.

Emily Blunt in Miu Miu

TA DA. That is a lot more sheer -- and a lot more fake blond ponytail -- than I expected from Emily Blunt. The draping of the white piece is interesting; I just wish the beading were not so... thin? Is it an ode to American balding? IS THIS ABOUT DADDY WARBUCKS?

Imaan Hammam in Versace

We are TOTALLY in the Daddy Warbucks section, then, because it's only getting nakeder from here on out. The star motif here is so very subtle, Donatella, what on earth were you evoking, I cannot work it out!!!!

Irina Shayk in Moschino

Jeremy Scott must have hated this theme. He did not play into it as exuberantly as I would have liked, though it's possible Anna also limited his opportunities by limiting his guest list. This feels very faintly like a cheap knockoff of Beyonce's Givenchy from 2015, and if that's some kind of commentary on how fast fashion is operating in today's industry, then... applause? But I suspect I'm reaching.

We did not have a shot of her walking up the stairs in this. Here we can at least appreciate that all the flowers on the train are niftily rendered.

We do at least have a rear view, just not on the staircase. THE STAIRS ARE THE POINT, EVERYONE.

The 2021 Met Gala Celebrating In America: A Lexicon Of Fashion - Arrivals

But get up close, and anything that isn't a flower is just... shapewear, and boring to boot.

Teyana Taylor in Prabal Gurung

Buzzfeed called this a Venus de Milo look that truly "understood the assignment," and I am trying to figure out how a Venus de Milo reference specifically plays into "In America: A Lexicon of Fashion." (My thought was, Leia from Jabba's Lair, About To End That Slug and Take What's Hers.)

The shimmery train deserves to be seen.

Kendall Jenner in Givenchy

Kendall claims this was inspired by Cecil Beaton's costume forwhen Audrey Hepburn goes to the ball in My Fair Lady</>. I mean... sure, why not. It's the naked version of that, for sure. The My Fair Labia version. Except thankfully she actually is wearing underpants. I don't think Audrey Hepburn would have appreciated visible panties.

And as I said to Jessica earlier, I am getting a little tired of butts.

Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent

Zoe Kravitz LOVES a sheer dress, and she has certainly upped the ante on herself. It is the more expensively built version of what Megan Fox wore to the VMAs, and it's crazy that I am looking at this right now and thinking, "Sigh, yeah, saw this basic thing already YESTERDAY."

2021 MET Museum Costume Institute Benefit Gala, New York, United States - 13 Sep 2021

If I am tired of butts, I am REALLY REALLY tired of butt cracks.

Met Gala 2021: Olivia Rodrigo Made Her Debut in a Sheer Ode to Sandy from Grease

But it's not the sheerest, nor the nakedest, of them all.