Eva Chen in Christopher John Rogers

It's weird to lead off with a media person -- I still think of Eva as an editor from when she was at Lucky, eons ago now -- but Eva was one of the CJR wearers, and I think it's fantastic, so into the first slot she goes. She's our strong start. This is fun, spirited, bright. And frankly also looks hella comfortable. Do we think those straps actually unhook so she can bring the top down easily to pump? (I BELIEVE she mentioned on IG that she would have to pump while there.) If so, that's a mad thoughtful touch. That's how you know you're in the family: when someone makes you a nursing-friendly gown for the freaking Met.

So colorful. Bravo.

Jordan Alexander in Christopher John Rogers

This is a womp-womp, though. Jordan as a human is beautiful -- she's so striking here; she's even pulling off that frosty nude-look lip -- but that cone-bra corset is mediocre at best.

Natalia Bryant in Conner Ives

This dress is actually IN the exhibit, and Anna Wintour gave her personal permission for Natalia to wear it. It's a HOOT. She's a walking decoupaged egg and this is exactly why the Met is great.

Kristen Stewart in Chanel

The hairdo feels faintly like it's evoking Bettie Page bangs. Chanel occasionally gets hot for Western-look stuff so I suppose this makes sense, as it feels a bit like she's running the coolest new saloon in the settlement.

The back has some added flair.

Lily-Rose Depp in Chanel

This... counts as a pattern. There's stuff on it. The flowers hark back to Julianne Moore when she won her Oscar in a similar white Chanel. Minus the exhaustive bikini wax.

Lorde in Bode

This is custom, hand-embroidery that stylist Karla Welch called "an Ode to the Arts and Crafts movement of America" on her Instagram.

Regina King in Kors

I love the pin stripe, and the inside of that coat is everything -- that, and her dyed-to-match hair. She's the best. This is a tremendous ode to suiting.

Lili Reinhart in Christian Siriano

I grabbed this after I had already written up Irina Shayk's Moschino, which is obviously the way nakeder version. What a mind meld to have. I was not into either of them, honestly, but thenChristian tweeted that this one includes a riff on all 50 state flowers, which makes this 75 percent better for me.

Costume Institute Benefit celebrating the opening of In America: A Lexicon of Fashion, Arrivals, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, USA - 13 Sep 2021

This is also her third Met Gala, and at each one, she's gone with this basic cut of very very short with one long hunk of train (here is 2018 and 2019). Branch out, pal!

Chance the Rapper and Kirsten Corley Bennett in Ralph Lauren

I know Ralph Lauren loves nothing more than a tribute to himself -- see: every outfit he designs for tennis tourneys and the Olympics -- but this one, per Esquire, is an homage to a specific bit of '90s Americana: "Ralph Lauren introduced the Stadium line, which was inspired by vintage images of track-and-field athletes and celebrated that year’s U.S. Olympic team. It featured an array of vibrant fits with sports symbols and graphics, and was adopted by street culture almost immediately." So, a considered and thoughtful choice from Chance. See? THIS IS WHY I WANT LEAFLETS.

Kid Cudi in Louis Vuitton

GQ Australia referred to this as "another galaxy of steez" and I don't know how I can top that.

J Balvin in Moschino

I have a verrry tenuous grip on who J Balvin even is, and it looks like that's going to continue.

Anna Wintour in Oscar de la Renta

I should HOPE she is in Oscar.

Ilana Glazer in Aliette

I don't entirely know where this is going, or if I want to be there when it arrives.

Gabrielle Union in Iris Van Herpen

This maybe should have been in our white dresses post, but I downloaded the pic when I thought it was metallic, and then figured it could count as a pattern. Our boundaries are not rigid. Also, I LOVE IT.

What does it all MEAN? Well, her stylist Thomas Christos said, "Instead of referencing what was, we wanted to create a dress that embodied what is needed: change, forward momentum, infinite progress. Comprised of over 10,000 circles, the innumerous spheres and final dress took 1,800 hours to construct. Gabrielle’s dress changes and moves as she wears it - even when standing still. As a champion for progress, change, and evolution, tonight Gabrielle Union-Wade is embodying what we need to see in American Fashion." Also, Thomas has been great about calling out D&G shit, so he's our kind of people.

Patterns and Florals Were Not OVERLY Abundant at the Met Gala...

... but this slideshow does have our only Christopher John Rogers sightings of the night.