Jeremy Pope in Balmain

We are compelled to begin with one of the last outfits of the night, which I HAVE to think they hoped would be the last one down the carpet. Actor Jeremy Pope partnered with Olivier Rousteing to bring us this custom -- obviously; it would be hilarious if he had it lying around -- Karl cape (Karl once worked at Balmain). They took such a long time arranging these shots that the Vogue livestream never actually got one of Jeremy's FACE and we were left to speculate whom it might be.

Here are the many many wranglers at work.

Surely this was made to be a museum piece. Like, I would expect there to be an empty spot in the exhibit itself waiting for Jeremy to take it off so they can suspend it from the ceiling.

Jeremy looks cozy in it, and not at all perturbed about lugging around something that massive. He looks great and is a very fun choice for this -- especially because he's a relative newcomer but has very avant-garde tastes, so this is giving him an iconic fashion moment, cementing his arrival.

with Olivier Rousteing

Olivier's bag, next to that cape, REALLY cracked me up. Well played, sir. That's just funny. (It’s based on a bag Karl used to carry.)

Florence Pugh in Valentino

This dress is... you know. It FEELS like Valentino gives her the same two or three basic ideas, so the gown is totally boring to me. She looks like the back of a chair at a fancy wedding. Her HEAD, on the other hand, was big news. We knew that was a wig the other day, but now we know why: She was still keeping the buzz cut a secret. (Well, I assume that's why.)

I am quite enraptured by this. She pulls off the cut SO WELL, and the hat is like... it's like he was inspired by the World Series trophy.

Logistics!

Apparently I just kept downloading pictures of it.

Janelle Monae in Thom Browne

Janelle wore Thom Browne, as felt foretold. She could not walk in this. They had to help her verrrry slowly up the stairs. And then she turned around and started disrobing...

... and Vogue's OWN CAMERAS missed it happening until the very end. They really, really need a proper event producer.

It just kept going.

And GOING. Did we... need this part?

Lil Nas X

I saw this thing credited to Dior Men, though somehow it was not included in the mailer that Dior itself sent out about the celebrities it dressed.

The rest of it is by Swarovski in conjunction with makeup artist Pat McGrath, who said it took ten hours to put 5,000 stones and 218,784 round flatback crystals on his body. HOLY COW. I hope... it was comfortable? I hope it comes OFF. He looks like Choupette if she were in a horror movie about witchcraft.

Rihanna in Fendi, and A$AP Rocky

Rihanna didn't arrive until about an hour after the cameras went off. The first glimpse of her was leaving the Carlyle in this vintage Fendi coat from the 1990s, but that is not what she wore on the red carpet, so the holdup cannot have been the act of getting ready. [Sidebar: I forgot to get another shot of Rocky, but I love that kilt on him. Just not over those worn out jeans.]

Rihanna in Valentino

THIS is what Rihanna did wear. There are all manner of rumors -- 3 a.m. fittings. $25 million in Cartier jewels-- but what's interesting is that this doesn't feel any more remarkable than what anyone else wore. It's another in a string of elaborate takes on wedding dresses with a floral motif. But was it worth SUCH a dramatic entrance, even if she did not intend to be SO late?

Also, at least in these shots, you can't even see the jewels. Don't worry. They're there. I will say that this is at least AMUSING in this form. She resembles an expensive egg.

Rihanna

But then she took down the cape, and VOILA, the jewels.

Seriously, though? She's STILL serving. Even through all that, and even though we can only see a little of her face.

Alton Mason

Alton said he was the first black man to model for Chanel, and that he went as a bride to honor the traditional ending to a fashion show (and one that Karl loved). He looks straight out of an 80s soap opera supercouple wedding.

I will complain UNTIL I DIE about how horrible this decor is. And on a night where you KNOW people will be wearing a lot of white. WHAT WERE THEY DOING.

Erykah Badu in Marni

When I look at her, all I can see is a character in a video game I am currently playing. But I can't find a photo, so you're just going to have to trust me. They float around with their white bangs in their face, sapping life force from my heroes. Maybe Karl did that too sometimes and that's her tribute.

Elle Fanning in Vivienne Westwood

Elle said this is based on a modeling job she did for Karl when she was 15, where she had on a white dress and all he did was add a crown of flowers. She said , "Hey, if this is how Karl wants me to look," which was cute. But it's a LOT. Of the brides, it may have been the most... adorned. She frankly looks like it was a miserable arranged marriage and that she's already plotting her escape.

Karlie Kloss in Loewe

Karlie said this is an homage to a famous 1983 blur dress, and also used this to reveal her pregnancy (hence, the statement). She was pregnant the first time during Covid, and said that meant she never got to go out and about and dress up the belly like she can this time, which is fun. Enjoy it. Also, this photo of her and her Kushner REALLY says to me, "LOOK AT MY HAIR I AM NOT LIKE JARED. NOT AT ALL."

Serena Williams in Gucci

Serena Williams provided the OTHER pregnancy statement, although you can't quite tell. I'm very happy for them -- I predicted when she retired (as did everyone else) that she might have another baby, but I did wonder if they'd go the surrogate route given what a nightmare, near-fatal birth experience she had before. Stay safe, Serena. Also... I wish so much that I liked this, but she has looked better in things. The IDEA is there? Also, this actually photographs pretty well -- on camera with La La, her makeup in particular looked off. Maybe it was the lighting at the top of the stairs.

Gisele Bundchen in 2007 Chanel

Again, as dresses go, this might not be the most dramatic, but Gisele is back at the Met post-divorce and she showed up with some BIG Supermodel Energy which is noteworthy. You have to think she'll get a Vogue cover in the next year.

She also came early enough to do this unencumbered.

Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo

Dee's outfit is bonkers, but Tommy won them into this post by being our primary Karl impersonator.

Tems in custom Robert Wun

Tems made waves when she wore a sculpted headpiece at the Oscars, and she's now two-for-two in dramatic cranial apparata.

Brian Tyree Henry

I saw this cape credited to Karl Lagerfeld. It's FOR SURE dramatic. ALT would have loved it. This man is in a movie about a guy who lives his life like he is royalty in a Shakespeare play and CONSTANTLY being asked to duel.

Doja Cat in custom Oscar de la Renta

Doja Cat came true to her name. That OdlR gown is genuinely stunning work from them.

And the makeup is eerie. I wonder if she thought, "Tonight, I will be the only cat in attendance."

NOPE. Not the only cat. Not even the cattiest cat. This is an expensive, realistic cat, and I cannot help wondering if Karl would have HATED THIS. I cannot imagine ever sleeping again, knowing this haunting mancat exists. But also I cannot help laughing at it. This is so… like, surely Anna also hated it?!? Her whimsy threshold seems lower than Mancat.

This shot of Mancat waiting to come in, and all the looks on people's faces, is amazing. The PR girl is about to burst. Ashley Park looks like she is perturbed in the extreme. And... I mean, it's like one of those creepy realistic dolls and pet statuettes that they sell on the back of Soap Opera Digest. It's HAUNTING.

Choupette would not DAB! She will get the cat-vapors just THINKING about Karl's reaction to the idea.

Jared Leto

I admit, I was hoping it was Katy "Purry." Instead, the head came off, and I sighed, "THAT fucking guy?!?" Because he is the worst, but this cat is… the stuff of nightmares but in an entertaining way.

He did eventually get... shorn?

And then he just walked around in a cape with a cat head all night, reminiscent of the time he carried a Gucci-made model of his own head.

I am concerned he walked around all night making a lot of jokes involving worship the p-word, but maybe I am projecting my fears about what a dingus he is. I think he IS probably that guy, though. Also, I bet Bill Nighy heard a laundry list of hissed fury from Anna about him lugging around a blankly staring realistic cat head all night. “The Met Gala is not for MASCOTS,” she would rage through a clenched jaw.

Anne Hathaway's polite face here is amazing.

But Lizzo is all of us.

The Met Gala Delivered a High Dose of Drama, Even With a Potentially Dry Theme

Costune changes, hats, tardiness, cats... yes, cats, plural.