Kim Kardashian

Unquestionably, this is an improvement. There is a grace to this that eludes almost everything else she has ever worn.

Kim Kardashian

But from the front it's not perfect: The top looks uneven and bunchy at times, and the apparently INTENTIONALLY uneven pockets are an irritating touch. It, and the slit, give off the aura of a bathrobe that was hastily tied.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

"I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE BREAST OF THE UNITED STATES OF KARDASHIA. AND TO THE BODPUBLIC FOR WHICH WE STANDS, JOINED BY MARRIAGE IN THIS BANGIN' LAND, KINDA RETHINKING WHERE I PUT MY HAND, BUT YOU CAN'T REPRIMAND A DOPELICIOUS MAN WHOSE INFLUENCE IS SO GRAND, IT HATCHED A DIABOLICAL PLAN TO GET MY LADY ON THE NEWSSTAND FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN HER BRAND. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SAND; WE'RE HERE TO RULE YOU, YOU UNDERSTAND, MS. GIULIANA DEPAND? I KNOW THAT'S NOT REALLY YOUR NAME BUT IT'S CALLED ARTISTIC LICENSE, AND YOU SHOULD GET ONE FROM THE GOVERNMENT OF THE STATE OF ME."

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

"WOULD YOU RATHER I PUT MY HAND HERE? EITHER WAY, I'M GETTING FRISKY LIKE A COLLEGE KID ON WHISKEY AND I'M GONNA NAME OUR FUTURE PET MR. KRISKY JUST SO I HAVE A DAMN RHYME FOR WHISKEY. LORD ALMIGHTY."

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

I do like the human moments, though. Obviously they know they're on camera but that feels cute and kind of spontaneous to me. I am an old softy, basically.

Met Gala Much, Much Better Played: Kim Kardashian in Lanvin

She certainly couldn't have sunk any lower than showing up as a gloved Givenchy sofa. This year, Kim switched to Lanvin, and fared a million percent better. My theory? Anna Wintour told them she'd be damned if she put them on Vogue only to have them surf into the Met Ball on an avalanche of bad taste, banned them from wearing Givenchy on pain of death, and demanded approval. Not matching the theme would be infinitely preferable, I imagine, to matching it tackily. [Photos: Getty]