Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
Okay, well, there are pelvic windows. And when Heidi wears this, we'll all clutch our pearls. Maybe ignore that thing I said before about this being better.
Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
Although this genuinely IS better, no?
Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
And this is... you know, not insane! Picture it on Zendaya.
Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
I would even maybe wear that, if I had her body, and boatloads of cash.
Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
And then O HOLY NIGHT this is a mottled mangled mess.
Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
That sound you hear is this WHOLE thing sliding painfully downhill.
Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
Because we've ALL wanted to try granny panties over bike shorts.
Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
... Obviously I am thrilled this doesn't just look like a drunken scarf, but seriously, it's hilarious to me that Donatella is designing anything even remotely meat to look like business wear.
Milan Fashion Week: Versace S/S 2016 Runway
This is also business wear. If you run a VERY SPECIFIC KIND OF BUSINESS.
Milan Fashion Week: Emilio Pucci S/S 2016 Runway
Let's switch gears to a hallucinatory headache of a patchwork, paired with wookiee feet.
Milan Fashion Week: Emilio Pucci S/S 2016 Runway
At the wookiee mall, ALL the ladies have polterwangs.
Milan Fashion Week: Emilio Pucci S/S 2016 Runway
Remember when I used the words "drunken scarves"? This might be bringing that to fruition.
Milan Fashion Week: Emilio Pucci S/S 2016 Runway
Whereas this appeals to that wide swath of people that loves to fly planes to the chem lab and then stare at organisms through a microscope while wearing a mosquito net as pants.
Milan Fashion Week: Emilio Pucci S/S 2016 Runway
There is a very pretty idea here, doused in the fires of crazy, but what the HECK does it have to do with any of the ones that came before it?
Milan Fashion Week: Emilio Pucci S/S 2016 Runway
Someone is going to wear this, and I'm SO curious whether it'll be a person who makes the normal adaptations, or whether it'll be, like, Chrissy Teigen.
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
Oh, good grief, little Miss Muffet, COVER UP YOUR TUFFET.
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
Mayhap I should've been careful for what I wished.
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
I like the colors? And the retro sleeves. The rest of the design hurts my face.
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
Do you think if she sticks her hand deep into that pocket, her finger will poke out the slit?
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
Welcome to Coachella. SEVEN MONTHS EARLY.
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
She will be holding the Wiccan mass outside the Rave Tent.
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
It's... I genuinely am concerned this never got finished. Like, someone just blacked out, right?
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
And then this is totally normal and maybe even chic enough to be seen on Emma Watson.
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
And then this actually full-on stabbed six of my brain cells -- the ones that govern my ability to asljgh;alghk ;
Milan Fashion Week: Blumarine S/S 2016 Runway
I dare you, Hollywood. I DARE YOU.
Milan Fashion Week: Fausto Puglisi S/S 2016 Runway
Loincloths are so ornate these days.
Milan Fashion Week: Fausto Puglisi S/S 2016 Runway
In some ways this is the total opposite of the other dress. But no less impractical, and sadly, no less likely to show up on a red carpet.
Milan Fashion Week: Fausto Puglisi S/S 2016 Runway
Congratulations to Miss Bralet America 2015 at the Caesar's Palace Adults Only Rodeo.
Milan Fashion Week: Fausto Puglisi S/S 2016 Runway
This is a jumpsuit that evokes the opening credits of a horror movie, but might actually work on -- yes, Zendaya, who can make miracles happen.
Milan Fashion Week: Fausto Puglisi S/S 2016 Runway
And this is for a saucier, racy remake of The DaVinci Code, where the challenge is to unlock the device on her tube top.
Milan Fashion Week: Fausto Puglisi S/S 2016 Runway
A trellis just waiting for its ivy.
Milan Fashion Week: Fausto Puglisi S/S 2016 Runway
Are they making a juniors line now?
Milan Fashion Week: Fausto Puglisi S/S 2016 Runway
This jumpsuit may depict the last thing we'll see as the planet explodes.