Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
This is a baggy-crotched jumpsuit? I already need to lie down.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Someone will wear this and MIGHT pull it off.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Somewhere, Blanche Deveraeux is salivating. That is one sexy caftan. (I mean, they don't mean us to wear this outside the house, right? This is purely for complicated seduction needs, right? RIGHT?)
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Pajamas. Marc Jacob already did this in February, you guys. Come on.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
This is like the world's most formal apron. This is for when the Met Gala theme is Kiss The Cook.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I will allow this on J. Lo, and J Lo only.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I can't believe I am typing this, but I hope someone wears this just as a dress and loses those pants.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Maybe? I mean, this does look like clothes, at least.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
This is also sort of SWINTON-y, in a sexy way, that might actually work on a grown-up person who isn't a model.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I'm wearing this the next time I go to that adorable little opium den.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Suddenly, we're exploring a dominatrix's gym clothes.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Paging Emma Stone. (This is actually quite pretty, although the proportions will, I suspect, make most women look sort of squashy. Which I am usually not going for.)
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Is that a fanny pack, or just...a flap? I hate that I am even asking such a thing. I rather like the pattern though.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Um.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
PLEASE tell me those are not shorts. If that's a skirt, I can totally hang. If they are high-fashion Jams, I will stab myself through the hand with a letter opener and I don't even own a letter opener. I will go out, buy a letter opener, and stab myself with it.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Kirsten Dunst, if you close up the front of this a bit, you may proceed.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
In the interest of positivity, the color of this is GORGEOUS.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
And that pattern is going to be SPECTACULAR on the walls of the library in my Craftsman home that I don't own.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I truly can see Kristen Stewart slouching all over a photocall in this. And she might be able to pull it off.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Cate Blancett will wear this to run to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics for her inner ear infection.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I do covet those shoes. This might work on someone. The very right, incredibly specific someone, who is probably neither you nor me, unless one of us is secretly, like, Zoe Saldana.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Seriously, I kind of think the subtext of this show is, "WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE A SEDUCTRESS." Which is potentially useful, it's true.
Gucci - Runway - Milan Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
And this is beautiful but also crazy. Someone -- someone hot -- is wearing this on her home planet and MAKING SHIT HAPPEN in it.