Miss Jamaica

The fact that she's paying homage to the Olympics from two years ago AND doing a Usain Bolt pose is very charming. Also her abdomen looks like a gecko and I can't unsee it.

Miss Japan

"Shhh. Don't tell anyone what you are about to see. It is a SECRET."

Miss Japan

"You're never fully dressed WITHOUT A SMILE!!!"

Miss Kazakhstan

That is some spectacular drama right there.

Miss Kenya

In this grab those just look like strings, which stinks, because they're all actually intricately beaded strands. Apparently this is in honor of a village that is entirely for women who've been rescued from forced marriages. STANDING OVATION.

Miss Korea

That is hand-painted, which is incredible.

Miss Kosovo

That is traditional marriage garb, and it makes me want to move there and get hitched.

Miss Kyrgyzstan

That is all wool, so I assume she's just trying not to pass out.

Miss Laos

This is a folkloric half-human, half-bird, and she deserves a million points for successfully navigating two mannequins. THIS should have been the sequel to Mannequin.

Miss Lebanon

"And once I vanquish your orange turnip, IT WILL BE I WHO RULES YOUR LAND."

Miss Malta

Jessica has this plant growing on her terrace. (It doesn't look this good, though.)

Miss Malaysia

This is based on a fishing civilization, which I get now that I can see all the portions of it that look like they belong to a boat. Very nifty.

Miss Mauritius

It's hard to make a drum major joke when she actually IS trying to dress like a drum major (from one of their national parades).

Miss Mexico

She is the Jaguar Queen, and I feel like Riverdale -- with its Gargoyle King/Gryphon Queen storyline right now -- really should have watched old stagings of this show to understand that mythical costumes should be way more than jamming some tree-branch antlers onto someone's head.

Miss Mongolia

She's dressed as Mrs. Genghis Khan. She looks WAY nicer than he was. She's who you go to when you need vacation time for a legit reason but you're scared to ask Genghis because he doesn't always really LISTEN.

Miss Myanmar

If you're thinking she looks like a tree and a pot of moisturizer, then... you are CORRECT and she obviously succeeded, as she's meant to honor a bark they use to make beauty products.

Miss Namibia

"We decided y'all just wanted to see diamonds, so here you go."

Miss Nepal

She's dressed as a goddess who relieves suffering, which is ironic given that this probably wasn't comfortable.

Miss Netherlands

The boat on her head is papier-mache, and it's way nicer than any papier-mache project I have ever seen. Although, granted, my experience is rather limited to my second-grade art class, where I made a My Little Pony. (It was Sunbeam, a blue unicorn and my favorite of that moment.)(It looked demented.)

Miss New Zealand

"They wanted me to dress as Lord of the Rings and I wanted to go as Flight of the Conchords, so we just compromised with colors and I am not going to win. As Jemaine and Bret I COULD HAVE TAKEN IT ALL."

Miss Nicaragua

There's a strong feminist theme this year -- many of the costumes are pinned to aspects of strong women in their culture, this one being related to a female poet. It's amazing, but I'd like to edit out the bird.

Miss Nigeria

"I cannot stop kicking plastic produce soon enough."

Miss Norway

She designed this herself, and I wonder if she gets extra marks for that, because it seems BOLD to undertake this and therefore you'd be accepting a lot of time and size limitations.

Miss Panama

There are 3500 golden beads on this. IMAGINE all the national costumes from years past that were just as intricate but are in a shed somewhere. That physically hurts me. Can't this be a Met Gala theme? ... OH MY GOD ANNA PLEASE.

Miss Paraguay

That headress is freaking incredible. It LIGHTS UP! Eurovision's team ALSO needs to be watching this.

Miss Peru

This is like The Jungle Book and The Little Mermaid all rolled into one.

Miss Philippines

This costume is based on three different islands. The designer has a bunch of different instagram posts about this, but you can start here, if you want to know more. She looks fantastic, and also like she's at a circus about to get knives thrown at her.

Miss Poland

"I'm a water nymph, or something? Whatever; I just wanted to wear pants.

Miss Portugal

She's dressed as... a port. In Portugal. That tracks?

Miss Puerto Rico

Okay, this is highly artsy. She is dressed as the way Puerto Rico rose up in the face of Hurricane Maria and remains a pearl of the ocean, if I am remembering correctly. So it's really creepy and evil but also hopeful, or something? I DO want to high-five all of her.

Russia

That is one of the most beautiful gowns I have ever seen, and it is a CRIME if it never sees the light of day again. Imagine it in a Disney movie.

Miss Saint Lucia

This has to do with Helen of Troy, but honestly, it just sort of looks like they punted. That's okay. They're not alone.

Miss Singapore

OK. So. This is supposed to commemmorate "the Trump-Kim Summit and Singapore's role as a broker of peace." That peace sign, sadly, is ruining her chest

Miss Slovak Republic

That beauty is made of a fabric that was recognized as part of UNESCO cultural heritage. She just gets to go out and have fun in something lovely, and not get a migraine. That's fair.

Miss South Africa

There are a thousand feathers on this, which sounds crazy considering how little of it is feathered. Or how little of it there IS, period.

Miss Spain

"TA DA! No explanation necessary."

Miss Sri Lanka

This is repping "a celebration parade and women's empowerment," which, again, is a common theme. It's pretty.

Miss Sweden

This is about love and friendship between her country and the host, Thailand. Sweden, are you sucking up? You are.

Miss Switzerland

That snowflake design is gorgeous, but I would really have preferred if she'd come as a pot of fondue.

Miss Thailand

And this is based on cats. ... OKAY FINE, you caught me, this is exactly what it looks like.

SHE liked my cat joke, though.

Miss Turkey

Her dress weighs 20 pounds, and I feel badly for her, because any other day that would be impressive but we've already had several people who were toting around SO much more than that. It's a gorgeous garment, though.

Miss Ukraine

Hard to find fault with that. It brings drama everywhere.

Miss Uruguay

That's based on a Dali work, "The Meditative Rose," which... is a stretch.

Miss USA

She came out dressed as a rose, which is her middle name and apparently our national flower? The more you know. (She originally came out wearing the skirt in full.)

Miss U.S. Virgin Islands

This is inspired by the phoenix, they say. To me she looks like she's about to do a gorgeous ice routine about a bullfighter.

Miss Venezuela

She's supposed to be the goddess of nature...

... but she might ALSO be Nagini about to devour a butterfly.

Miss Vietnam

She's dressed as a banh-mi -- so, essentially a sandwich. FINALLY SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME.

Miss Zambia

Apparently, this is from a festival that is the only time the culture's women dress this way. She also looks like she's about to break the rules and teach them all how to surf, which I appreciate too. Blue Crush needs sequels.

Miss Universe National Costumes, Part 2: There's a Sandwich In Here

And a LOT more, but... CARBS.