Josh Hutcherson
I guess it's the MTV Awards, so plenty of people show up looking like they're lost hipsters. But I also think he's not doing himself many favors here. It's so shlumpy.
Jackson Rathbone
I still think this guy looks like a goofball ninety percent of the time, but a very pleasant goofball. And this actually works. It's casual but it's still polished, and he doesn't look like someone's twerpy younger brother who just discovered Swingers, AHEM, Hutcherson.
Chris Hemsworth
Chris here looks really good. Although the deeply open shirt is a little cheesy, but you can't fault a man for giving the people a peek at what they want.
Chris Zylka
Chris here was on The Secret Circle and the ABC Family version of 10 Things I Hate About You, which... my thoughts on that are for another time. But he has been one of the best parts of two unsuccessful projects, and he's got a role in The Amazing Spider-Man, he looks great in this suit, AND he attended with Lucy Hale from Pretty Little Liars on his arm, so things this summer must be looking up for him.
Vanilla Ice
I would stop, collaborate, and listen, but I'm not wholly confident that Ice is back with a brand-new invention.
Andy Samberg
Is it wrong that this works for me? Big dopey kicks can be kind of awkward, but a) those are actually attractive big dopey kicks, and b) he coordinated them to his shirt, which he then c) covered with a fancy jacket, that d) gives the overall look an appropriately smart-casual feel. And I approve of that nearly meaningless label because MTV events are usually more dumb-formal.
Andrew Garfield
Andrew Garfield always seems like there is sun in his eyes. He is very composed and cute when he's presenting and talking and whatnot, but on the red carpet it's always as if he's got a pesky nemesis standing behind the photogs and shining a laser pointer into his eyes or something. However, he looks adorable. Apparently he and Emma Stone rarely let go of each other's hands once inside, but I wonder if they're waiting to do a red carpet together until the one they HAVE to do this summer for work.
Mark Wahlberg
Mark here looked all cranky and tightly packed into his shirt, and when he came out onstage with Mila Kunis I was like, "Man, he totally looks like he wants to punch someone in the neck," and THEN she had some random heckler whom I couldn't hear but who was apparently offensive to Mr. Wahlberg because he got snappy; I assumed it was a bit, but no, because THEN during the video of the nominees, Wahlberg allegedly said something to scare the shit out of the heckler while the heckler was being escorted out by security. So them's a fighting shirt, is what I'm saying.
Channing Tatum
You might remember Channing from everything. And he looks just fine. I am not sure the unbuttoned, untucked shirt hanging lower than his jacket hem, and open to reveal an undershirt, is really ENHANCING things...
Channing Tatum and Matthew McConaughey
... but it's MUCH easier to strip off for comedic effect.
Russell Brand
Oh, Russell. The fur belt thingy is so silly. It's like a Neanderthal mankini.
Joe Perry and Steven Tyler
I said on Twitter that Joe Perry is, to me, Dermot Mulroney + Bonnie Raitt, and I stand by that here. I also enjoy that these two, together here, look like a proud lesbian couple at their child's wedding.
Michael Fassbender
I've decided Michael Fassbender is a huge hockey fan, and that this is his playoff beard. He looks like Bryan Cranston to me -- from back between seasons of Malcolm In The Middle, when he was more Rumpled Dad than Doomed Shaven Meth Dealer or whatever he does on Breaking Bad that requires him to look like a skinhead. Anyway, I'm not a particular Fasshole -- which is the name I just made up for Fassbender fans, not because they are assholes, but because it makes me laugh -- but he does work rugged better than I expected.
Taylor Lautner
Lautner and his junior scruff never stood a chance in comparison.
Gary Oldman, Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
It's so soothing how Gary Oldman always looks like somebody's favorite, cherished college professor.
Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp basically showed up to play guitar, then get an award for being better at being Johnny Depp than anyone in history -- although we'll see how long THAT holds true once Halloween comes along and I copy this outfit for my costume.
Charlie Sheen
Ugh. I am so grossed out that people keep humoring this shitbird. Can everyone please stop acting like Charlie Sheen is some admirable, adorable, quirky national treasure? He is smug and jerky and unapologetic and acts entitled to the cult hero status the public seems UNBELIEVABLY willing to afford him. It's permissive and it's icky (see also: Brown, Chris). Charlie Sheen is NOT my national treasure. He is not Fug Nation's treasure. And it embarrasses me that other countries might look at this telecast and think Americans are endorsing this asswagon.
Joe Manganiello
AHHHHH. That's better. My happy place.