Nicki Minaj
Well, her head looks marvelous. But, if you watched the telecast, you know this things was so tight that she needed Rebel Wilson to come offstage and help her climb the stairs to accept her award (while, by the way, a PREPONDERANCE of dudes stood by dumbly and watched; RIP, chivalry). Besides which it just looks like she is urinating laurels.
Britney Spears
She looks like an EXTREMELY nervous baton-twirler who's back after taking a year to recover from a humiliating, ugly public accident with a tuba.
FKA Twigs in Versace
FKA Twigs here can star in a Robin Antin-produced mob film called The Pussycat Molls.
Chrissy Teigen in Marchesa
This is disappointing. Also, it's Marchesa -- the kind of Marchesa I see on the runway and assume nobody will wear because it's ridiculous and unflattering and like a depressing carpet runner got food poisoning.
Chrissy Teigen, John Legend
There was also a healthy amount of sideboob and a substantial hint of ass cleav. I assume Georgina Chapman employed nefarious means to make this happen.
Ciara in Alexandre Vaultier
Serayah and Ciara, whose names sound similar, also each wore shredded getups. They are both bad. I think the problem with Ciara, for me, is that she's been around for EONS and I can't name one of her songs, or hum it, or really tell you anything about her except who she's dating/dated and that she's pretty. Her outfits bellow for attention but when I pay it to her, nothing else sticks. Also, this looks like a tar spill.
Rita Ora in Vera Wang
It is definitely not her MOST naked, at least. We can all thank her for not reaching for THAT particular star.
Rita Ora
It's also at least striking? I sometimes think I'm tapped out on things to say about Rita Ora showing up places in dresses with this same plunge and this exact same thigh. She needs a new story.
Holland Roden in Vivienne Tam
Speaking of needing a new story: I am SO TIRED of saying, "That would be so cute if it were lined," but THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE IF IT WERE LINED. GOD. WHY ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE ORDERING SO MUCH PIZZA. THIS IS NOT COLLEGE AND IT'S NOT 3 A.M.
Keltie Knight
I admit I don't know who "TV personality Keltie Knight" is, but I can say this: Yet again, that skirt would be so pretty if it were lined. I almost think if Miley had worn this, I'd have liked it on her -- like, as-is, too, because by her standards it's just a tapas-size serving of pizza.
Tori Kelly
This wasn't entirely sheer -- just made to look it; there was flesh netting. But I wasn't sure where else to put her, and I wanted to note that this is the second music event I've watched where she put all the big stars to shame with her vocals (at the VMAs, I thought all the performances sounded TERRIBLE except for hers -- like, if you were an alien, you would not be able to figure out why Miley Cyrus is a bajillionaire and Tori Kelly is someone nobody has heard of). I also have to note that the shorts looked awful in person, but her hair is majestic.