Much Ado About Nothing Premiere

The Cannes Film Festival

Here, we've got: Kenneth Branagh, Keanu Reeves, Emma Thompson, Robert Sean Leonard, and Denzel Washington. You guys, this is just what people wore in 1993. (Yes, Branagh is wearing a shirt with this name of his own film on it.) These are a lot of good-looking people, although Branagh got hotter over the next ten years. (I ALSO saw his Henry V in the theatre with my Dad. It is great.) Keanu, Emma, RSL, and Denzel are, of course, eternally hot.

Kenneth Branagh with Emma Thompson

They are about to divorce, because Branagh cheated on Emma with....

Emma Thompson and Helena Bonham Carter

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Richard Young/Shutterstock (218972f) EMMA THOMPSON WITH HELENA BONHAM CARTER MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING FILM PARTY, BRITAIN - 1993

...Helena Bonham Carter, here because she and Emma were friends (and were in Howard's End together). (Y'all, I could write so much about the great period films of the 90s!) Anyway, the good news is that HBC and Emma are friends again now and Emma is married to Greg Wise, so it all worked out.

Denzel Washington

Well do I recall Denzel's Mustache Period.

Keanu Reeves, Robert Sean Leonard, Kenneth Branagh

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Startraks/Shutterstock (214788g) KEANU REEVES [L] ROBERT SEAN LEONARD AND KENNETH BRANAGH [R] 'MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING' FILM PREMIERE, NEW YORK, AMERICA - MAY 1993

This is just like FLOPPY HAIR CENTRAL. They're only missing Hugh Grant.

Keanu Reeves and Kennedy??

NEW YORK - MAY 1993: Keanu Reeves, sticks his tongue out at MTV VJ Kennedy (aka Lisa Kennedy Montgomery) at a party for Kenneth Branagh's film version of Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing" in May 1993 in New York City, New York. Reeves was one of the stars of the film.(Photo by Catherine McGann/Getty Images)

Lord, explain to me why Keanu is licking the face of MTV VJ Kennedy, who was once an intern known as The Virgin Kennedy on KROQ and who now works for FOX News.

Morgan Freeman and Myrna Freeman

Morgan Freeman looks exactly the same now. Maybe he too is a vampire.

Patricia Arquette

Patricia Arquette also looks EXACTLY THE SAME.

Mary Louise Parker

Mary Louise Parker forgot that she wore this and just woke up from a nap in a cold sweat.

Stephen Fry

That's some next level pattern-mixing.

Alan Rickman and Juliet Stevenson

WESTWOOD, CA - MAY 10: Actor Alan Rickman and Juliett Stevenson attending the premiere of "Much Ado About Nothing" on May 10, 1993 at Mann National Theater in Westwood, California. (Photo by Ron Galella, Ltd./Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

I promise you that everything both of these people are wearing here is oversized. She's been with an anthropologist since 1993, and he'd been with his partner since the late 70s; I think they were just buddies, and this wasn't a date. I also miss Alan Rickman and I think he'd be very disappointed in JK Rowling's latest BULLSHIT SHENANIGANS.

Glenn Close

EVERYTHING IS SO OVERSIZED. (Hello, Glenn!)

Jodie Foster

This is also oversized but in that very expensive Armani way that actually aged really well.

Nicolas Cage and Kristen Zang

Nic Cage looks like a golf commentator; she, of course, is a model and, among other things, dated Leonardo diCaprio back in 1996, before she aged out of his area of interest.

Tatum O'Neal

Tatum might be wearing her jammies.

Christopher Walken

EVERYONE wanted to see this movie.

Lauren Bacall

From Lauren Bacall!!

Esther Williams and Ed Bell

To Esther Williams!!!!!!!

Dan Cortese and Dee Dee Hemby

TO DAN CORTESE!