Katy Perry
If I were a gambling woman, I'd suggest that maybe JUST MAYBE Katy Perry is trying to suggest that her divorce means she's finally blossoming into a butterfly. My first clue was that the song she sang was "Wide Awake," which is apparently about splitting up with Russell Brand. My second clue was the giant wings that are the subtlety equivalent of painting "WHEEEEEE" on her forehead in pink while burning a stuffed Russell Brand doll.
Katy Perry
Here she is in her sensitive cocoon, looking like she just woke up after a rave and has no idea what city she's in, what day it is, nor whose underwear she is wearing.
Katy Perry
At least here she is WEARING underwear. But the fact remains: Are you KIDDING ME with this? Let's also note that nobody has, or will, done this look better than Britney. Jennifer Lopez has tried, and almost succeeded, but you, milady, are no HOLA LOVERS.
Katy Perry
It seems she also showed up with an army of Mini-Mes, all dressed in some of her more notorious costumes. I'm sure Cupcake Boobs' mother was REALLY excited that her child got to wear a bra made of baked goods. If she ever has sextuplets, this is what we're in for -- and at least Sexomom is a more interesting moniker than Octomom.
Katy Perry
Her full red carpet look was very Xena: Warrior Homecoming Princess.
Kelly Clarkson
I don't know about the shoes, and I will always love Kelly as a brunette simply because that's how we met her and how she is forever immortalized in From Justin To Kelly, a.k.a. the worst song-and-dance film about texting shenanigans that mankind will ever make. But that dress is super flattering on her, and she looks so pretty. I hope she marries Reba's son. I want to see pictures of THAT wedding. Reba had better bring out some tall-ass hair.
Nelly Furtado
Is she still making music? Hmm. Also, I don't think that style of dress is very flattering on a lady with hips -- of which I am one, and thus, I am pretty sure I would put that on in my dressing room and then laugh and send Jessica a photo and then IMMEDIATELY remove it -- because it looks like the kind of thing that's meant to GIVE you curves rather than flatter them.
Lucy Hale
How considerate -- she brought her own potholders.
Justin Bieber
There is nothing erotic about this to me. He might as well be doing an interpretive-dance Tampax commercial.
Shenae Grimes
What is up with all these black dresses that have modesty flaps? Also, why did we need to invent those when for normal people a SKIRT does just fine? How much ventilation do her legs need?
Carly Rae Jepsen
"WHOOPSIE, I'm dressed like half the other attendees! Guess I'll have to ask my teenage mentor Justin Bieber to cut a few bitches, maybe! Tee hee!"
Bieber and Jepsen
By the by, do we think Selena Gomez is irritated that she isn't the one who got photographed on the red carpet playing Happy Family with Bieber and his baby brother?
Selena Gomez
Although, she WAS very busy trying not to flash all her fans.
Phoebe Dykstra
This girl had no such compunctions.
Phoebe Dykstra
What a touchingly placed tattoo. Yes, North America, you too could one day be living the dream of writing life advice on the backs of your thighs and then all but mooning people to spread your gospel. BELIEVE.