2001

This woman doesn't look like the star of a major festival motion picture. She's a senior in high school trying to get that one Serious Photo for her senior yearbook that she can run with a Bruce Springsteen lyric.

2001

There is a lot of Laura Harring in this slideshow, too. I knew her from soaps at this point -- Sunset Beach, baby! -- and was always excited to see another daytimer hit the bigtime. She married Otto von Bismarck great-great-grandson and is now a countess. In this moment, however, she is simply the on whose blazr was partially eaten by acid.

2001

At the big premiere, she went with a loose Daisy Buchanan theme. I genuinely could see this costume on Carey Mulligan in the Baz Luhrmann flick. However, the second she sits down, the garden is public.

2001

This entire photo is people who may regret not having thought of the stair factor when picking dresses.

2001

Those pants. I feel like Donna Martin designed this entire outfit.

2001

Ah, 2001. When tops weren't really ACTUAL complete tops. ... Wait, that trend may never have gone away.

2001

The lilac dress looks tissue-thin, and the fur wrap is as complicated as one of Claire Fraser's wool wraps on Outlander. It is so clunky, and she fussed enough with it in other photos, that I wonder if it was an emergency play.

2002

And now, she's in funeral garb by Pier 1 Imports.

2002

That fur wrap might've come in handy for this. But don't worry. She perks up in a second when we time-jimp eight years...

2010

This is VERY dramatically breezy and confident, and the shoes are hot. I feel like you can see the eight year time gap in terms of confidence.

2010

This is... well, still WORN with confidence, even if perhaps it's undue.

2010

This is pretty, and a hit, and yet I am distracted by the ENORMOUS chastity cummerbund behind her.

2010

Gorgeous. I

2010

She looks like Claire Danes to me in this photo.

2012

Scrolldown. Naomi has awesome taste in jewelry, but I cannot with dingy peach tulle. I wish this were navy. And also not tulle.

2012

This is a more sophisticatd Eau d' Flapper than the outfit from Mulholland Drive's premiere.

2012

Whereas THIS has a Gwyneth vibe. But GOOP would look more undone. She'd have at least one giant knot in her hair.

2013

This is GREAT, and even though it's clearly there as part of a sponsorship, I love the deployment of the watch.

2014

This was the weirdest thing. Marchesa designed this for a Prudential marketing tie-in that involved making a dream come true about being at Cannes, and I believe she credited the dress as being "by Prudential"? I mean, get your coin, Naomi. The dress is a great hue, but reads like diluted Marchesa -- like Georgina but twice removed.

2014

The necklace hanging down the back, though, is amazing and a VERY sexy choice.

2014 in Calvin Klein

I, too, would wear a blazer to try and hide as much of that potentially messy CK dress as possible.

2015 in Peter Pilotto

This is loud as hell and I'm HAVING IT. Cannes is at its best when it's lively.

2015 in Elie Saab

Imagine that with better lipstick -- and, at the risk of being overly picky, jewels that sit a HAIR higher and are also a color. That necklace has a big footprint.

It's only fair if we LOOK at the necklace while we debate its fate.

2015

The open back is super alluring.

2015 in Ralph Lauren

This conversely feels undercooked. Is it the makeup? Am I just going to carp about lipstick all day? At least I'm consistent.

2015 in Armani

McConaughey up there looks like a cult leader. Try to look away. Because the front of Naomi's dress is lovely...

2015

... and then the back TOTALLY quit on her.

2015

She does a lot with Bulgari and I think owns at least one of those snake necklaces outright herself. But she looks like she just woke up and dragged herself out with a migraine.

2015

Naomi has in many instances given me the vibe of another person, and here, it's Diane Kruger.

2016 in Michael Kors

Here -- and I think it's the pose -- it's Kate Hudson.

2016 in Armani

Hoik it, friend.

2016

Three things on this outfit are knotted. That is three too many.

2016 in Armani

But this has grown on me. At the time I worried it looked like a mirror had broken on her, but damn, the fit is precise and perfect and the color stands out. She looks divine. We are ending on a Mariah Carey-style high note.

Cannes Introduced Many of Us to Naomi Watts

A full 19 years ago.