The last recap was all Rayna pulling skeptical faces, so these two weeks were full of playful banter and old-timey stories. It's actually very nice. She and Deacon have always had a really lived-in feel, but to my ears, season five has nailed down a more playful connection. Their DNA isn't JUST high tragedy or high lust anymore.

However, there is still plenty of skepticism, and in fact this is the exact face I made when I realized Rayna's sweater had something in common with every pair of panty hose I've ever worn.

She is also not into her videographer. Zach Welles wants to document their songwriting process, and Rayna somehow agreed to this but then didn't tell Deacon until the dude showed up. THEN she acted surprised that he wanted to, you know, document their songwriting process, and tried to get him to film B-roll of the kitchen. 

I'm Team Videographer. This poor guy only wants to do the job RAYNA AGREED HE COULD DO, and these two are having convos behind closed doors or kicking him out anytime it gets interesting. And when Rayna complains to Zach, it only lasts about three seconds before she's like, "Okay, fine." It's the limpest rebellion.

  This show is entering a patterned blouse phase again. Get ready.

I'm sad the show being off ABC means no more Robin Roberts... and yet I'm THRILLED it has allowed for a Hoda and Kathie Lee clip. At the Go Red for Women show one year, I was sitting next to the Stellas, and when Hoda came down the runway she pointed to them and mouthed, "OMG LOVE NASHVILLE. LOOOOOOOVE," while she was dancing to Bruno Mars. It was great. I cherish both of them. Also Kathie Lee is my birthday twin, so. She and Madonna and I need to have drinks.

The music video has gotten two million hits. And, just as happens nearly ZERO modestly famous acts who release a new video, the director and artists are on a morning show to talk about their process. Gunnar notices Scarlett being warmer and gigglier toward Damian, and he's more cheesed than a wheel of Gouda.

Gunnar is so snitty, in fact, that when Damian wants to go out for dinner with them both, he throws it all to Scarlett. He basically dares her to go have a good time, and guess what? She goes and has a good time. Because, she later tells Deacon, Gunnar is too intense for her right now, as if Damian didn't reduce her to tears four times in a fairly disrespectful manner before laughing at her for being annoyed by his process. SCARLETT. This dude is terrible.

I would never deny you Sensible Bespectacled Deacon, especially when he's writing a love song.

But RAYNA. WHAT IS THIS SHIRT.

I CAN STILL SEE YOUR BRA, RAYNA. However, this is basically the exact thing I do when I'm bowling and I roll a SUPER weak ball, and I'm embarrassed about it and trying to act like I don't care even though I am dying inside because I WANT TO WIN.

Maddie makes a cake with Daphne, then is all, "Oh hey look Clay is here and we're going upstairs! Don't let the cake burn!!!!" So guess what happens to her booty cake? Yeah.

Mom and Dad are not amused. But not before the alarm company calls and Mom and Dad are unable to remember their passcode. You're telling me these two had a STATE OF THE ART SECURITY SYSTEM installed because of HER STALKER, and yet neither one of them can be arsed to remember their PIN? AT LEAST YOU TWO FOOLS HAVE GREAT TASTE IN JACKETS.

"How are you?"  "Good. How are YOU?" "Wearing sleeves as big as my problems."

At least Scarlett got to wear a cute coat before she gave in to the inevitable and let Damian kiss her on the mouth.

Daphne, meanwhile, is going to be in TROUBLEEEE. The videographer is interviewing her about Rayna and Deacon, and she's letting fly some fairly frank thinks about life when they're working together well versus life when they aren't. Daphne seems potentially not this dumb, although to her credit, she DID call cut on herself once the videographer pressed for more juicy details. Still. Something tells me Rayna's insistence on editorial control isn't gonna hold.

Scarlett tries to tell Gunnar about her confusion, but all he can hear is, "Scarlett is going to have the sex with Damian." He's pissed about it; she won't admit it, but instead drops them I'm Numb To You bombhell and he stomps away. I have to say... I mean, are you with him or aren't you? Dump him or don't, girl. Same to you, Gunnar. If you don't like that she's pursuing another person, maybe point out that this makes her no longer your girlfriend. I don't even know. I LOVED Gunnar and Scarlett together but right now I just want to wring both their necks, because this is so disjointed from the logic we'd arrived at with them at the end of Season 4

Apparently I was turning up the volume to better hear all their food prep noises. Nashville is deeply committed to people doing stage business in the kitchen. Earlier this season Maddie made an entire sandwich during one scene, and people are CONSTANTLY pouring things from cartons. I approve.

"What d'ya mean, 'Why does your armpit have buttons?' It's so I can reapply deodorant without taking off or stretching out my sweater, darlin'. I can't believe we have to go over this."

Despite how their faces appear, these two are having a delightful time at Bible study together.

And then Scarlett, who had been growing out her haircut fairly successfully, does THIS to herself. This is Prince's haircut. You don't get to have Prince's haircut unless you are Prince. Please invest in a raspberry beret posthaste. She's at lunch with Damian, the director for whom she has The Feels. He says he wants it to be a very nice lunch and then they go their separate ways while she decides if she wants to see him again. "Why do I get to decide? Why not you?" she asks. Scarlett. Child. Look into my eyes. DO NOT GIVE HIM THE POWER. He is saying, "I like you, but I'll back off until you decide how you feel." DO NOT BE THE WOVEN DOORMAT OF YORE. In other words, act your age, mama, not your shoe size.

Scarlett needs to think about this, so she goes straight to her wine cardigan -- although it's more of a whine cardigan. She's complaining to Deacon about how Gunnar is so intense and it's tough to take right now. Girl, Gunnar is intense because you are his girlfriend and you just told him you'd like to explore another man's arsenal.

Rayna's stalker Wayna -- his name is Wayne but I typed "Wayna" by mistake and I'm sticking with it -- figured out that his 300 ft restraining order expires just outside the gate of her house. Conveniently, right next to her security camera. So he just STANDS THERE all day. This seems like an abuse of concept. Lawyers of Fug Nation: Could they have used this as proof he was trying to provoke? It's REAL BALLSY of Wayna, for sure.

Connie Britton's facial reactions are a treasure. Please, fine lady, never mess with your face. Somewhere in here Rayna tells Deacon that she got her first period a week after her mother died -- which ties in macabrely with where Rayna is at the end of the episode -- and had to deal with it all alone with zero help at all. Now, I didn't see a DeLorean parked outside, but there must be one because Tandy has apparently been erased from existence. Pour some out for the lass.  

Juliette has gotten on the patterned blouse train. She implores Hallie's choir to sing on her gospel album, and in return gets a couple naysayers who school her on appropriation -- and how, basically, they think she's trying to profit off music whose origins and meaning she doesn't fully understand besides being a Johnny Come Lately to church. Juliette gets testy with them, but then crawls back and apologizes and explains that she's just trying to explore and celebrate something she feels saved her life. And VOILA, they're all on board. I... am real curious how this is gonna go.

Scarlett gets all togged up to see Damian, and Gunnar once again stomps off, all, HAVE FUN WITH THE SEX. Scarlett feels he's not giving her feelings their due. She might be right, but also, like, I'm sure he's as confused as I am. She, I think, is suggesting that they can still bang casually while she's also casually charting Damian's territory, and Gunnar cannot have it. And I get where he's coming from; I kinda wish she'd just SAY, "I've never really dated around, and I want to gett off, with 23 positions in a one night stand."

I am so glad this technology didn't exist when I was her age. Calling a boy even PLATONICALLY for the first time was really agonizing for me; doing it WITH MY FACE would have been horrific.

Rayna, because this is her Mother of the Year episode, gives Maddie a "First Moon" present to celebrate her period (and to symbolize that she's stoked to be her mother, because again, she has to be awesome at this before she gets in a car crash). As far as I'm aware, no one in my life got any kind of menstrual gift other than minor anxiety. Please note, too, that it's a box from Tiffany, and Daphne never even opens it. She just sort of acts embarrassed and then leaves to go hang out with friends. We don't find out what was in it. OPEN YOUR BLOOD REWARD. WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOX??? Speaking of, my boys quote that all the time, not realizing a) it's from a serial killer movie, Seven, or b) what was, indeed in the box. They think it's just from Battlebots, when the announcers used it to joke about a robot that was holding a present. And you've never seen a group of adult dudes more alarmed than the ones sitting behind us at ND-USC, when one of them said "What's in the box?" and then Dylan turned around with an angelic grin and howled, "WHAT'S IN THE BOX. WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOX?" Good times.

Clay, by the way, is still here, and still cute, and still singing. And so far not suffering from any drama related to not medicating himself.

Rayna is impressed with Clay, so suddenly she's cool with him hanging out with Maddie. She also tells Clay he can come by during business hours -- not for a deal, mind you, but just so she can tell him how to live his life and stuff. Perhaps he would value her advice more if  she had stopped Maddie from blitzing her hair with the devil's crimping iron. 

Scarlett is FEELING HERSELF, though. After sex with Damian, she stands at the window shirtless and gazes at the world, while practicing that thing the Kardashians do with their coats. She then decides she's going to leave, but Damian sucks her back into the sack instead.

Wayna, meanwhile, is exposing holes in Rayna's security team. When he corners her in the empty office, it's AFTER her dude has already swept it and then decided he'll just sit outside in his Escalade doing a crossword. Wayna tells her that he walked in during "normal business hours" and hid in a broom closet. Um. You guys know what he looks like, and you have A TEAM OF GUARDS, and he was able to stroll in the front door? FIRE TED.  Anyway, Wayna just wants to wave a knife around while talking to Rayna about his life pain. Connie Britton does great work as Rayna tries to connect with him while also stay alert to any chance she has of escape. It plays out as you expect: She tries to run, he catches her, the guards (who have multiplied thanks to her sneaking a 911 call) come in and draw their guns, and she talks him out of slitting her throat so he can be arrested in peace. 

But then, as Rayna is crying in the backseat of the squad car that's escorting her home, CRASH. There will be no meeting with Clay, nor any advice for Daphne on what tampons do and whether to use pads with wings (yes).

I'm curious to see how this plays out, as I had read ages ago that Connie Britton was only returning for a handful of the full order of episodes but that she's ALSO said she isn't leaving the show; putting Rayna in a coma would take care of that. I kind of wish they'd just had Wayna shoot or stab her, though. Is that wrong? It would be more DRAMATIC than the typical "stalker doesn't actually want to hurt anyone" ending. If you're going to do it, go big.

Nashville Recap: Rayna, You In Danger, Girl (S5, E6/E7)

In which our heroine faces a number of problems, one old favorite gets scrubbed from the history books, and a Tiffany box goes unopened. Scarlett and Gunnar: I am thoroughly unclear on what the showrunners think their relationship status is, or was. My understanding had been that they're back together pretty tightly, but the way everyone is acting, it's like maybe they were just nebulously banging without being totally sure how they felt about it. This feels like a puzzle piece that doesn't connect with the season four jigsaw. I don't think the two of them falling apart felt like it happened sensibly. At any rate, Scarlett and the video director finally do what we've suspected, and kiss. And then, she has a whole sensible conversation with Gunnar about how she's got feelings for him -- I think his name is Damian -- and she wants to explore it, because she's numb to Gunnar due to their history. I feel like... I would have bought this if they'd had Scarlett say, "The video made me realize I've only ever been in serious monogamous relationships, and it's time for me to live a little." But instead, she's acting like they have more of an open situation and that her disinterest is due to their drama -- which, the show has already implied, she's revising as "Gunnar Is A Selfish Bone Addict and I Just Keep Taking His Sorry Ass Back." Boo. Will: Nope, not present. Avery and Juliette: She's pursuing her gospel album; he's writing songs that sound like he used to, and when he asks for her feedback, he doesn't take it well when she says the song sounds like an angry young ne'er-do-well that doesn't gel with who he is now. What's interesting about this storyline is that Jonathan Jackson is EXTREMELY devout. Like, to the point where he would be vocal about turning down roles if he felt the overall project flew in the face of God. So I assume they won't head down the Avery and Juliette Break Up Because He Thinks God Is A Drag route. Maddie and Clay: Are fine. Dating. He's still 24, but because he can sing, Rayna is marginally cooler with it. Largely due to Rayna having to seem like a model parent, before Her Sadness. Daphne: gets her period, which leads to some adorable scenes in which Deacon -- prompted by Rayna wanting to mark the milestone somehow -- tries to act like he understands how momentous it is, but then overplays his hand when he suggests they throw Daphne a party. But, like Maddie and Clay, this storyline only exists so that Rayna can be Mom of the Year before... Rayna: She's been hit by a car. Oh, sure, first we had some stuff where she and Deacon argued about writing together, because apparently when DEACON said he thought dredging up their past was a bad idea, she didn't want to listen. But now that they've started, and are finding it harder than it used to be, SHE decides it's a bad idea and somehow flips that on Deacon. They have a whole melancholy scene about it on a rooftop... and then at the start of the next episode, they're writing together, merry as you please. Because Episode 7 is all about how Rayna is the best, leading up to a) her stalker confronting her with a knife, b) Rayna getting out of it by the skin of her teeth, and c) Rayna's cop car, which is driving her home, getting t-boned by a pickup truck. Have we not already done Rayna's car accident storyline? Did the new showrunners forget to read their show Bible? Because they ALSO forgot the existence of Tandy, so let's just say my faith is inverse in proportion to Juliette's.